


Deep Waters or Ocean Eyes

by LeviTakeMeOutCauseImTrash88



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, BUT IT DOESNT HAPPEN, Don't smoke kids, Eren has the slight of hand mastered, Eren smokes cigarettes, Eventual Smut, Everything will work out in the end...most likely, It gets better I promise, Jean has a band, M/M, Suicide Attempt, bad habit, because of course, everyone is college shit, mostly everyone is gay, they're pretty gay, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-03-21 11:56:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3691365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeviTakeMeOutCauseImTrash88/pseuds/LeviTakeMeOutCauseImTrash88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I stared down at the water one last time before I was going to slide off the railing, it looked rough, not that I cared, did I care? No. I was going to do this, I had to, I couldn't stand it anymore. As I was about to slide off the edge strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me off the edge roughly. I thrashed against my holder, but the arms didn't budge. Instead I was pulled against a warm hard chest. I turned my head up and my enraged silver met Caribbean eyes...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Save Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Guys!! This is my first official fic and I'm really excited and I really hope you like it!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys ready? I'm ready. LET'S DO THIS!

 

     I'm sitting on my bed in my dorm room, I go to college at Survey Corps University and I've been working on my Chem homework for an hour now and I haven't absorbed any of what I am reading. My bed is covered in notebooks, binders, books, and pens and I don't even know what I'm doing. I hear the buzzing of my phone as if I've gotten a text. I shuffle the notebooks around knocking several onto the floor, I growl as the papers in the notebook fly all over the floor. "Fuck," I finally pick my Chemistry book up to find my phone under it. I sigh as I read the text from a certain boy that I really wish I'd never met. 

**Brat 11:09pm:**

**Hey Levi, how are you? I was about to go out for a coffee run, do you need anything?**

     It's eleven o'clock already? How long have I been sitting here doing nothing? I though it had only be an hour... Why get coffee at eleven at night? Stupid brat. I ignore the message then groan and fall back against the bed. I think back to when I met him last weekend...

_I had had enough. I was sick of being treated like a child by my father, I was twenty one years old for Christ sake. I didn't give a damn that he didn't approve of my major, it was what I wanted to do, writing is what I do best, it's the only thing that made me happy._

_"What are the chances of becoming a successful writer, Levi?" his voice mocked, "think about something practical, you're an adult, enough of this bullshit. How are you going to support yourself, by writing a book? You think you're good enough to write a successful book? Grow up, wake up, and get the fuck out of my house," Kenny swung the front door open and I glared at him and walked out of my own home._

_The home I grew up in with my loving mother. This was my house just as much as his. I stormed out and got in my car and peeled out of the driveway and screamed down the small street. I didn't even care about police, I was so goddamn angry. I reached my college somehow, not even sure how I got there, and made my way into my dorm building only to get to my dorm room to hear Erwin making some poor bastard cry his name._

_At this point I was so enraged I banged on the door and screamed at Erwin, "Fuck you Erwin, this is the last goddamn time! I'm fucking telling your boyfriend tomorrow!"_

_I walked away from the door turning to leave, I heard yelling then Erwin opened the door and shouted my name, "Levi! Levi, don't you dare! I swear to god! Come back here, Levi!"_  

_I ignored him and kept walking. He didn't pursue me further though. I just kept walking, I didn't know how long I was walking for, but when I finally realized where I was I looked out across the water. It was dark and the bridge was lit up. I moved closer to the railing and swung my leg over so I could sit. I looked across the horizon, it was beautiful, the moon reflected on the water and I thought about how much I'd like to slip into those waters. Hanji would be so upset. She always kept me out of these places, she made me go out and feel alive. She'd be so disappointed...but Hanji isn't here. She's been missing for a month now. Her and Mike went camping and never came back. They've been searching for them for weeks now, people are losing hope. I hadn't though, that crazy bitch is too stubborn to die. But I'd been to the camp site, I'd seen the empty tent, the food left... I'd been worrying, crying, loosing my mind. I didn't want to think about it. No, I didn't want to think at all. I stared down at the water one last time before I was going to slide off the railing, it looked rough, not that I cared, did I care? No. I was going to do this, I had to, I couldn't stand it anymore. As I was about to slide off the edge strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me off the edge roughly. I thrashed against my holder, but the arms didn't budge. Instead I was pulled against a warm hard chest. I turned my head up and my enraged silver met Caribbean eyes. He never let go, even when I turned to face him and tried to push him away, his arms only tightened around me._

_"Please," I whined, I'd lost all my strength, "let go, please. It's not your place, just leave me be."_

_"No." my eyes widened at his low raspy voice, with eyes so bright I never thought his voice could be so...tempting... He was holding me flush against his body and I realized how cold I was when I breeze hit us. "Please let me take you somewhere that isn't here," he said slowly as his bright orbs watched me. I didn't know what to do, sure Levi, just get in a car with a complete stranger who just saved you from killing yourself. What did I have to lose? Nothing, I nodded my head and his grip loosened around my body, but instead he grabbed my hand as he lead me to his car so I walked in front of him, as if he was trying to use himself as a barrier in between me and the water. His car was stopped on the bridge with the driver door open. He must have run out of his car...but why? I turned my head back to the water, looking back one last time. Not tonight._

     My phone buzzes again snapping me out of my reverie. 

**Brat 11:20pm:**

**I brought you coffee, open your door**

    I sigh after reading his text, he just won't give up. I try to escape all of my notebooks, but it proves difficult and I end up on the floor landing with a grunt. I quickly collect myself walking across the room to swing open my door, "What do you want brat?" I growl and he's grinning at me, "what the fuck are you grinning at?" then he chuckles and pulls something off my head.

     "Pink is not your color," he says as he hands me a pink sticky note smiling. I frown and crumple it up in my hand as he pushes past me. "What the fuck happened to your room, you get a new room and then you trash it?" Eren mumbles

     "If you must know I've been doing my homework," he hands me a coffee, "and who the fuck drinks coffee at this time of night?" I say as I take a sip without realizing.

     Eren sits on my bed and looks at me, "You do," he smirks. No, you don't get to just fucking smirk at me, that is my thing. Get out, this fuck.

     "Out. Now." I point to the door and he looks at me with those Caribbean blue eyes, and I can practically see the sand and the fish swimming in the oceans of his eyes. Wait, what the fuck was that? He stands up and smiles and before walking out the door he says.

     "Answer number seven is wrong," and then leaves without another word and walks down the hall to his room. I close the door and place my coffee down on a table. I walk over to my bed and find my chem homework with a red x on it. When did he...I sit and go through it again and realize he is right. Fucking tall shit. 

* * *

 

     The next day I'm sitting outside for once, it's actually really nice out, the sun is blinding me up in the blue sky and it's not freezing. Spring actually might be here. I'm sitting on a bench in the huge common of my school. There's a lot of people around, some idiots are playing frisbee in the grass, while two girls walk by me in shorts. Really? It's not that warm yet. A kid whizzes by me on a long board and I notice his two tone hair as he skates away and then shouts at a kid playing frisbee making the boy blush. I write down what I observe. My English professor told me I should record human interactions, he said it's a good tool for my writing because it helps me to understand the little quirks of people and how they react to certain situations. My notebook is filled with small tidbits of stories or interactions and even overheard conversations like for example, in the book store the other day I heard a guy tell this girl, "You need balls to be able to do that," and that's all I heard. I don't even really want to know. I take out my phone and decide to make a call I make everyday because I refuse to give up. I call Hanji everyday in some hope that she will answer, that she's okay, lost somewhere or something, but they're okay. She never answers, but I will call everyday until they find her. I promise myself that. Here's the weird thing though, her phone rings, it rings, so what does that mean? Well for one, her phone isn't dead. How has it been a month and it's not dead I can't say, but it rings. I listen as her phone rings for the fourth time and then goes to voicemail. I leave yet another voicemail. 

    "Hanji, where are you, are you okay, please be okay, Jesus Christ Hanji I'm so scared. I don't know what happened to you and I'm scared Hanji. I'm fucking scared. You would never do this, you would always come back. Fuck Hanji what the hell happened to you. Hanji I miss you..." those last words I whisper as I hang up. Everyday I find myself more and more broken without my shitty glasses. And as much as I hate it, hate him, Eren helps some with my hurt. 

     I check the news on my phone searching for my best friend. At least I care. Erwin couldn't give a fuck, it's like he's just fine that she's disappeared out of thin air. He doesn't care, he cheats on his boyfriend every day. Speaking of Eld, it's time I pay him a visit. 

* * *

 

     I walk down the hall to where I know Eld's dorm room is. I hate this, I hate everything about this. He's such a nice fucking guy and I can't believe I have to tell him this. Oh Jesus, what if he starts crying, I hate crying...Fuck! I stand in front of Eld's dorm door hesitant to knock. What the fuck am I gong to say, How the fuck do you word this. Hey Eld, Erwin's been cheating on you for about a month and I just now grew a pair to tell yo- 

     The door opens and Eld stops short, surprised to see me standing here, "Oh hey Levi, you scared me," he chuckles, "um, what's up?" he smiles. Oh please don't smile, this is bad, I've come with bad news, fuck!

    "Uh, Eld, I have bad news..." 

* * *

    "I just can't believe he would do this!" Eld sobs and says for the third time, "I loved him, I TRUSTED HIM," seventh, "why, why would he do this to me. To us. I can't, Levi this is so horrible. I don't even know what to do!" Eld blows his nose then adds to his tissue mountain as I try not to make a disgusted face. I've texted Petra twelve times now to come rescue me because I have no fucking clue how to handle this. Eld sobs and I feel like I should rub his back or like hug him or something, but I really just feel so bad I can't even move. The door shoots open revealing a winded Petra.

     "I-just- r-ran across th-the en-t-ire field- can't breathe-" Petra collapses into a hug by Eld and rubs his head and mumbles things softly to him that I can't hear. 

     I've been mostly silent this whole time, but now I speak, "Eld I'm terribly sorry. He's not worth it if he can do such horrible things to a guy as great as you..." I stand up and rub the back of my neck touching my undercut. 

     Eld looks at me sadly with red eyes and my heart can't help but hurt for him, "th-thanks Levi, it means a lot that you told me. Even though I know it was h-hard..." he stutters then hides his head back in the crook of Petra's neck. She gives me a look that says I can go and I mouth a thank you. I walk out and close the door quietly behind me. I walk down the hall then out of the building and notice the sun is going down. I walk to my own dormitory and as I'm almost there I see familiar blond hair out of the corner of my eyes and I swear to myself. 

     "You piece of shit, I told you not to." He growls as I turn to face him.

     "Fuck off Erwin, this is all on you, ever since Hanji went missing you've lost your fucking mind. You've become such a dick and I'm sick of it. She's gonna fucking kill you whe-" 

     "When what Levi? When she comes back? It's been a fucking month and we still don't know where she is. She probably fucking d-" he didn't get to finish that sentence because I charged at him and punched him straight in the nose. He wasn't expecting me to hit him and he lost his footing and fell backwards onto the cement on his ass. He looks up at me from the ground horrified. 

     "You fucking- you fucking hit me," he says as he wipes blood from his nose and looks at it on his hand like it's foreign. 

     "You're damn right you shithead, don't you fucking dare talk about my best friend like that ever again or I swear to god I'll break your legs," I seethe and kick his leg for good measure, then again, then familiar arms grab my waist and a voice speaks like velvet on gravel 

     "Levi, Levi stop!" Eren picks me up and pulls me away from Erwin as he groans on the ground I shove him away as he puts me down a few feet away from him, I look behind him to see a short blond boy kneeling next to that garbage then I smell that disgusting odor. 

     I stare at Eren angrily, "What the fuck, are you smoking?" I growl as Eren frowns and pulls his cigarette to his mouth and takes a drag. When I try to rip it away from him he pulls it above my head away from me. 

     "Yes, now come with me you have blood all over your hand, you look like you just killed someone," he puts his hand on the small of my back and pushes me toward and our dorm building, "I swear to god Levi, I can't leave you alone for ten minutes." 

     "Yeah, and I would've gotten away with it if it weren't for your stupid strong arms and your meddling pretty eyes," I mumble angrily. 

     "What was that?" Eren asks as he finishes his cigarette

     "I said stop smoking or you'll die," I grumble. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter still getting the hang of this!! What do you think happened to Hanji?


	2. Release The Gays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I can't even begin to explain how happy I am that you guys are reading this!!!! 29 kudos oh my god!!! and over 180 hits!!!! I was screeching this morning when I found out!!! I think I'm going to spit out a few chapters this week and then slow them down to once a week! So I made a couple oopses last chapter that I'm too lazy to change right now, but Levi and Eren live in the same dorm building, I'll fix that later! Guys, I went to a Bleachers concert tonight!!! It was fucking amazing!!! Enjoy this(:

 

    "Stop squirming," Eren's low voice rumbles as he cleans the blood off my knuckles gently.

    "You don't have to do this," I huff, "I can do it myself."

    "Shut up and sit still," he finalizes in a rough voice apparently done with my shit 

    I watch as he takes the cloth and dips it back under the hot stream of water then back to my hand that he holds in his own. He dabs the cloth over my knuckles trying not to be too rough with the broken skin that collided with that piece of shit eyebrows. I'm still fuming as I clench my teeth and hiss as he rubs the skin slightly to clean a part where the blood dried. 

    "Sorry," he mumbles continuing more tentatively

    "You should have just let me kill him," I say darkly with no real intentions behind my words, of course I didn't really want to kill Erwin, I was just so angry

    "Where would the fun in that be, I'd rather he watch Eld move on as I've noticed a not so subtle Gunther flirting with him these past weeks," Eren smirks not looking at me, and I like the way he's thinking

    I chuckle slightly and he raises an eyebrow at me, "I like the way you're thinking," I say honestly

    Once he's done he wraps my hand in a bandage and holds my hand in both of his own, I look at his hands on my own then up at his bright blue-green eyes. He immediately realizes what he'd been doing and moves his hands to rest them in his lap. I wonder what he's thinking as his sudden movement causes a look of worry to cross his face then disappear just as fast as it had arrived. He moves his hands up and down his thighs as if he ridding them of my touch and that's when I take notice of his clothes. He's wearing dark jeans and a tight fitting blue t-shirt with a beanie that matches his eyes. His light brown hair curls around the hat and behind his ears. A pack of cigarettes is in his t-shirt pocket that is situated over his heart as if he keeps them close to him like they're his lifeline. What a disgusting habit, but he's never smelt of them before and I notice he doesn't right now. It's like the scent doesn't stick to him, instead he smells of a flower, maybe his soap? Is that lilac? I think so, it's a calming scent and I suddenly find myself quite tired. Eren seems to take notice of this.

    "Do you want to rest?" he asks as he nods his head in the direction of his bed and I think I better go back to my own room, but my body betrays me as my head nods slowly and I climb into his bed. The last thing I remember is the smell of lilacs and a blanket being put over me and I wonder why he cares so much. 

* * *

 

    I'm running, I'm running down a hospital hall with blinding white walls. I crash past a doctor ignoring her papers that fall across the floor. All I'm thinking is Hanji, Hanji, Hanji. I skid around a corner and slow to a stop as I reach her room, she has an IV in her arm and her eyes are closed, I see Mike sitting in a chair next to her with scratches all over his arms. He turns his head sharply and I see is face which is covered in gashes and stitches and he has bags under his eyes. 

    "I couldn't save her, there were too many, they surrounded us, I'm so sorry Levi," he practically sobs. I have no clue what he's talking about, who surrounded them? What happened? I cannot verbalize my questions because a machine starts to scream as Hanji flat lines. Doctors and nurses rush in and push me out of the way as they surround her. There's a defibrillator, then the doctor is using it, desperately trying to save my best friend, but to no avail. The room spins around me as the line goes flat and the machine stops the noise all together. I can't hear much over the beating of my heart, but I faintly hear the doctor as if through glass walls.

    "Hanji Zoe dies of dehydration and internal bleeding at 3:08 pm Saturday, May 25, 2015," he says somberly looking at his watch. 

    "Levi!" a low voice repeats as arms shake me slightly, "Levi, you're dreaming, please wake up," my eyes shoot open to find Eren wide awake with concern washed across his face, then filling with relief when he sees that I'm awake. I lung at him wrapping my arms around his neck as he rubs my back and I realize he isn't wearing a shirt. I don't dare to move no matter if a part of me wants to see his body, instead my own body shakes as he rocks me slightly and hums lowly, but sweetly. I find it calming as he settles me unto his lap. I don't put up a fight, instead I relax into the new position as Eren whispers softly with his head on my shoulder, "We'll find her, it's going to be okay." I don't know how he knows what I was dreaming about, maybe I was talking in my sleep. I feel a hand brush against my cheek and I realize I have tears streaming down my face. He ghosts his fingers across my cheek and his ocean eyes look at me tenderly with his lips parted slightly. I can feel the lovingness behind the sweet gesture, but I dismiss it quickly because there's no way. He lays me down and I whine slightly at the loss of contact and he chuckles and lies down next to me. I don't know what causes me to do what I do next, but I move closer to him and snuggle into his warm chest pulling my arms and hands close to my body. The smell of lilacs invades my senses as strong arms wraps around me and I drift off.

* * *

    My eyes open slowly as I feel myself move up and down slowly and I look down and find myself sprawled out on top of Eren as he breathes slowly in his sleep. His light brown eyelashes flutter against his cheek as if he's dreaming. His lips part slightly and he sighs quietly in his sleep and his curly hair falls across his forehead. I restrain myself from brushing it away from his face. Instead I look around the bright room and I hear the soft noise like the page of a book turning and I look over to find that blond boy from last night on a bed across the room with a book in his lap completely ignoring Eren and I sleeping together in the same bed just across the room from him. I try to shift, but find myself not able to because of a strong arm wrapped around me. My sudden movement causes Eren's arm to tighten around me and I squeak causing the boy to look up from his book. We look at each other for a minute the other not sure what to say, he breaks the silence first.

    "I'm Armin," he says quietly as his blue eyes look over at Eren sleeping then he smiles, "he likes you," he giggles. I find myself choking on my own spit at his words. What? No, Eren doesn't like me...We're just...friends...that's all...friends that sleep together...clothed...mostly...

    "No, it's not like that," I say quickly as I try to escape Eren's strong arm one more time as I roll over next to him. The loss of contact causes him to growl in his sleep and my jaw drops at the noise. What, was that? Why did he do that? 

    "I may be blond, but I'm not stupid," Armin rolls his eyes. Oh so he's being smart with me now? I don't think so. 

    I get out of Eren's bed slowly as not to wake him and glare at Armin, "Listen here Coconut, don't sprout lies around here. Eren doesn't like me and I don't like him. We're just friends, that's all," I say as I point my finger at him. 

    My glare makes anyone cringe in my vicinity, but the boy looks unfazed as he frowns at me, "You'll have to be more convincing than that if you want me to really believe you. Maybe you should practice that in the mirror for a few hours then come back and try again," he returns his gaze to his book and my mouth hangs open at his words. What the fuck is happening, am I losing my touch? This little shit just- he just- what the fuck just happened? 

    I growl and walk towards the door, "Watch it Blondie, I don't take kindly to sass," I open the door and before I close it I hear him speak quietly.

    "You know, I never did like that band." 

    

* * *

 

     **Eren**

    "Leave me alone Jaeger," the wild stallion barks as I continue to take pictures of him as we sit in the grass under an oak tree, "I'm serious, come on, pay attention to me, this is important," I want to become a professional photographer one day so I take pictures of everything and anything around me, which is mostly always my friends or nature. It's hard to find me anywhere without my Nikon.

    "Just talk to him like a normal human being for Pete's sake," I mumble as I take a shot of his profile, he's frowning and eyeing me out of the corners of his eyes.

    He rolls his eyes, "Only you would say something like, 'pete's sake.' Seriously though Eren, he makes me so nervous, and I kinda just freeze. Then say stupid things," he groans and rubs his face then falls across my lap. I go through the pictures on my camera deleting the ones I don't want, not really taking notice to Jean picking at the dead grass next to me. I'm used to our relationship which resembles that of two sixteen year old girls in high school, when we're really legal adults in college. We've known each other so long we really don't even care how we act around each other. 

    "Ooh first name basis, shit just got real," I chuckle lowly

    "Shut the fuck up, God, you're so useless," he rolls off my lap onto the grass in front of me staring up at the sky, "that cloud looks like your stupid head," he points at the sky. I dumbly look up and he laughs when I see no cloud in the sky. I push him away with my foot and he grunts. 

    I look to my left and see a shy Marco standing a few feet away trying to look anywhere, but Jean and I. I take pictures of him as he looks behind him debating whether he can run or not, Jean doesn't notice he's there. I capture him as he fiddles with his fingers before looking up at me blushing because of my camera being pointed at him. I put down my camera and smile and wave him over. Jean is singing some Blink 182 song obnoxiously loudly. He has a nice voice and all, don't get me wrong, but he's whiney.  

" _Nineteen your eyes are glowing to my beating heart_

_oh it seems like it is foreign as your hand is moving up my arm,_

_and you never really know where it goes up until it starts_

_I got my eye on you, what're you gonna do..._

_what a crazy world, pretty little girl"_

his eyes are closed as he sings so he doesn't notice Marco standing above us, I decide to be a bitch.

    "Hey Marco, how are you?" I smile up at him as Jean chokes and sits up abruptly. Smooth Kirstein. Like glass. 

    "H-hi Eren, hi J-Jean, I didn't know y-you could s-sing," Marco has the cutest stutter, he's like a little freckly puppy, I just want to keep him safe. 

    Jean rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, "Yeah, I kinda do, I mean that's what I want to major in, not singing, but I want to be a singer. Like with a band and sing...for the band...I can play guitar also...so not just singing..but..." oh wow Jean, you're so fucked, he was right, he doesn't even know how to process English correctly now let alone say whatever he's trying to say. Maybe I should help him.

     "Jean is actually in a band right now," I say to Marco as he sits next to us. I look over to Jean and he's glaring at me silently telling me to stop, but I don't, "he has a gig this Friday at a bar downtown in fact. What's it called again, Jean? Bar Rose? Yeah that's it. Anyways you should come see them, they're really good," Marco looks at Jean his lips parted slightly in wonder.

    "Y-you have a b-band?! That's s-so c-cool!! I'd l-love too come to y-your show J-Jean," Marco smiles sweetly. Like a Goddamn angel I swear he's Heaven sent. 

    "Marco! We're going to be late for class!" Marco turns his head to where a short girl is standing a few yards away with books in her hands. She has shoulder length strawberry blonde hair that is perfectly straight and she's wearing a green hoodie with white jeans. She looks at Marco expectantly and it takes him a second to move to get up. 

    "Oh! I f-forgot! J-Jean I'll see you later maybe?" Marco asks and Jean just looks at him in a daze so I kick him.

    "Y-yes! I'll text you," he says quickly 

    "B-but you d-don't have my n-num-b-er," Marco says as the short girl has come closer trying to get Marco to leave. Jean fumbles for a minute then practically throws his phone into Marco's hands. Marco adds his number then the girl drags him away as they talk to each other loudly leaving.

    I look over at Jean who's staring at his phone smiling and I can literally see the cartoon hearts flying around his head. I snap my fingers in front of his face, but it's like I'm not even there, so I decide instead to photograph his little achievement. My camera clicks quietly as I capture his lips quirked upward in a slight smile that you'd never know he could make because he's always so cocky about everything. Especially onstage, onstage he's like a professional, he's in his own world, his pitch is perfect, his guitar sounds amazing, he's a star and he knows it as he winks at girls in the crowd making them scream, little do they know he's as gay as trains. But he's worked so hard to be where he is, he loves his band and their music is great. Jean writes it mostly himself, they always insist on him to because they trust him well enough to know that he understands what he's doing. His bandmates are awesome too, I've known them for a long time now because being close friends with Jean for so long I was there when they got together. Jean seems to snap out of his daze as he realizes I've been taking pictures.

    "Oi Jaeger, what did I tell you about your flash photography?" he grumbles with no real bite to it

    "My flash isn't on though, so, it's just photography," I smirk 

    "I swear to God I will break your camera," he stares at me

    "I'll dump your hair gel down the drain," I stare back and we just look at each other trying to call each other's bluff, but I don't see one.

    "You wouldn't." 

    "Fuckin try me Kirstein," I dare

    "I'll do it, that camera will be in pieces," his brown eyes never leave mine

    "You're gonna need new hair gel, CAUSE YOURS IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN THE DRAIN!" I yell as I take off towards our dorm building 

    "EREN DON'T YOU DARE, I SWEAR TO GOD SHITHEAD, GET BACK HERE YOU FUCK!" I laugh as Jean chases after me as we sprint away from the tree. People jump out of our way as we run down the sidewalk. He'll never outrun me. 

* * *

 

    "I still don't understand why you're fucking sopping wet," Levi growls as my shoes drip on the carpet in his dorm room where I came to hide my camera from Jean, "ugh you're making a mess, take this shit off," he motions his hands across my body.

    I smirk at him raising an eyebrow, "You want me to take my clothes off, Levi?"

    He glares at me, "Get out, I'm not helping you. I hope he breaks your camera."

    "Wait, wait, wait, alright I'll tell you. Jean and I were racing to his dorm building because I was going to dump his hair gel down the dra-"

    "Why?" he interrupts me

    "Let me finish! So I was gonna dump his hair gel down the drain and we were running really quickly and we kinda forgot about that huge fucking fountain before the dorm buildings and we fell into it...but my camera didn't get wet! Jean was so pissed though...So I ran here to hide my beautiful baby here so it's safe with you. Pleeease keep it safe Levi," I whine which doesn't sound right because my voice is so low, but I look at him with my best puppy eyes and pout my lip.

    "Don't fucking look at me like that," Levi grumbles and looks away from me, but I take his chin and make him face me. After a moment he sighs, "Fine," he puts his hand out to take my camera and I hand it to him slowly

    "Thank you, thank you, thank you," I say quickly then I grin at him, "you're right, this t-shirt is feeling a little uncomfortable," I say as I wink at him and peel the soaked t shit off my body. I watch as Levi's jaw drops slightly not ready for what I did, I smirk as his eyes travel down my chest across my abs then back up to my eyes.

    "Goodbye," he says pushing me backwards out of his room then closes the door abruptly

    I stand there for a second holding my wet t shirt then shrug and walk down the hallway. A door opens to my right and Connie looks at me stunned for a second then grins, "When was the wet t-shirt contest? Looks like you won though. Eren Jaeger getting all the ladies," he says loudly and I shake my head.

    "Connie I'm gay," I chuckle as I keep walking down the hall Connie shouts at me

    "Well hot damn so am I now, check out that Jaeger booty!" 

    I shoot him the bird over my shoulder and he laughs, "Anytime babe," 

    "Shut up Connie," I groan before opening my dorm room door and closing it behind me. 

**Levi**

    Okay, I didn't push him out of my room as an excuse to touch him. No, not at all. That wasn't it. I wasn't thinking about how hard his abs must be because they look so toned and tan and perfect and I just- no. I, fuck, I did, I made him leave as an excuse to touch his abs. Fuck me. Fucking fuck my fucking fuck of a fucking life. Shit! 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi I feel your pain. 
> 
> So yeah, there goes 'slow build' right out the damn window, watch it fucking fly and hit the ground outside. Goddamnit. 
> 
> The Blink 182 song I used was Pretty Little Girl, it's one of my favorites, I kinda bumped in the last lyric because I wanted it there for a reason. 
> 
> Yeah Erwin is a dick, sorry, not really...
> 
> Armin is snarky and I love snarky Armin, he's my favorite type of Armin. 
> 
> Jean and Eren are fucktwats that probably platonically cuddle while watching movies. 
> 
> Ooooooh what's that you see, is that JeanMarco? 
> 
> Eren is my little photography baby and Levi is my little writer baby, it's great
> 
> The concert will be next chapter.
> 
> Finally can we get a round of applause for Connie Fucking Springer? Man I fucking love Connie. Only the Jaeger booty can unleash all the gays. Connie is pretty great though. 
> 
> You guys are making me so happy, I can't believe how many people have read my fic already!! You-I'm just-I just love you guys and I hope you all stick around 'cause boy do I have a party planned for you.... A kinda party that Tony Stark brings...to you guys... whoever gets the reference and comments wins a hint at what happened to Hanji and Mike! goodnight lovelies, or should I say good morning? it's 3am I might be dead...avenge me my soldiers..


	3. It Took You Long Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!! I can't stop writing this fic!! I'm screeching I can't wait for you guys to read this!! MUAHAHAHA heheheheh

 

     **Levi**

    I'm sitting in my chemistry class listening to my teacher drone on and all I can think about is how I'd like to be anywhere but here. I look out the window to my left, it's sunny out, the weather has been beautiful all week and I can't help, but think about Hanji and how she would always force us all to do outside activities like a goddamn kindergarten teacher on nice days. I think our friend group is slowly falling apart without our Hanji glue. It started with Erwin, out of nowhere he starts cheating on Eld of which whom he's been in a relationship with since fucking high school. Who the fuck does that? Out of nowhere just starts fucking the first thing he sees. He's become such a piece of shit I can't even look at him without fuming. Then there's Petra who for so long had been glued at Hanji's hip and so sure about what she wanted to do with her life. She wanted to be a cook and I don't even remember the last time I've seen her enjoy food this past month. Let alone actually cook anything at all period. And then there's Gunther shamelessly flirting with Eld who's been in a committed relationship for years only now since he's been cheated on behind his back Gunther couldn't give a shit about Erwin. Oh my God, I even miss Mike's stupid thing with sniffing people like a goddamn blood hound or some shit. Stupidly tall with dirty blond hair always cracking jokes... Holy fuck, I think I just realized how much our whole friend group is going to shit without her...

    The bell rings signaling the end of class and I think _thank you satan in hell_ as I dash out the classroom door and down the corridor. I don't think I appreciate my school as much as I should, I mean...I haven't been appreciating much these days, but my school is actually really magnificent. Walking down the halls is like some  _Harry Potter_ _fucking experience_ , the hallways are wide with high ceilings and decorative things on the walls, each hall has a different theme though. The one I am currently walking down has scientific quotes painted in pretty fonts and murals of the greatest scientists, physicists, and all the sts', yeah all those guys and women that are not in my range knowledge. Yeah there's all these beautifully painted murals of them, no doubt done by past art students. I look down at the horrendous red carpet below my feet as I walk, and it's not even really red anymore. It's like a mucky red from all the disgusting dirty shoes and god knows what else has been dragged through these halls...I don't even want to know as I snap my head back up as not to walk into who other than Captain Shitty Eyebrows. He noticeably flinches being this close to me and we just look at each other briefly before he steps around me and continues walking. I'm not ready to talk to his asshole face, but I do smirk at his bright purple nose, that's quite a sight for sore eyes. HA, sight for sore eyes, get it, because his eyes are probably sore from my fist that made a massacre out of his nose. I crack myself up as I walk down the stairs leading outside where it's sunny and warm and I can almost believe that things are okay...almost. 

    That is until a high pitched girls scream erupts nearby putting everyone around me in a frenzy trying to locate the source. I find myself running where people have gathered and I push my way to the front ignoring insults and angry grunts to find Petra on the ground with scraped knees and I drop down next to her concern washing over me,

    "Petra what happened, are you okay?" I notice how everyone is crowded around her and it makes me angry, "hey, hEY BACK THE FUCK UP HERE, give her some goddamn space!" I shout before I look back at her, she has tears streaming down her face and then she remembers something and grabs my hand quickly with wide eyes

    "Levi, Eren, a guy took my purse and pushed me and Eren went after him! Levi what if he gets hurt! Oh my god!" I hold her hand as I look around at the people around me and then find Eld rushing through people coming to squat at my side. 

    "Eld, please stay with her, I need to help Eren," I find myself saying without thinking

    Petra grabs my wrist before I can run off, "Be careful, Levi!" I know the look in her eyes, I know she's saying  _I can't lose you too_ silently. I nod my head and she lets go and I run off in the direction of shouting

    I run until I hear his rough voice, then I find Eren with his knees on the back of someone with their arms twisted behind them cruelly. The person has a ski mask on, really? Petra's purse is set down nicely next to Eren and he's bullshit. The man beneath him whimpers in pain.

    " _Who the fuck pushes a girl to the ground to steal her purse. Her beautiful little knees were bruised and bleeding because of you, you mother fucking piece of garbage. You stole from the most angelic being in this entire world. Christ sake she would've given her money to you out of the goodness of her little heart. But no, you dropped so low as to take her purse and throw her tiny body on the ground. You are_ _despicable. What kind of garbage are you?"_

Eren seethes roughly and I've never seen such fire in his Caribbean eyes, it's as if someone set those islands on fire and the palm trees are burning fiercely as the water turns to oil. I can see specs of yellow dotting around in those eyes. I've never been so immobilized by someone. I'm unable to move or stop him from further injuring this guy before police arrive, thankfully someone has a spine,

    "Eren! Eren that's enough! Stop it!" I turn as his friend Armin walks past me shouting then moves closer to Eren touching his arm. He shakes his head and his teal eyes return and he frowns his eyes meeting mine as a police officer runs up and takes the man from Eren. Eren stares at me with his lips parted slightly then his eyes drop unable to keep my gaze. They shoot back up as I back away slightly. His hand reaches out and he calls my name, but I'm already running. I know he can't follow because the police will want to know what happened. I don't stop running until I bash into my dorm room door and slide down it so I'm sitting on the floor.

    Maybe I'm not the only person between us with unspoken demons swirling around inside of me...

 

**Later**

**Eren**

    "Eren, you're my hero," Petra says as she hugs me, her knees are bandaged up with pink bandages that a kind EMT guy had 'specially for her' I think that was just his terrible attempt at flirting with the girl. If I'm her hero, then why do I feel so awful? Maybe because I succumbed to my anger...I let it off it's leash that I had so tight around it for so long. Also, Levi saw me in my darkest state. I couldn't stand it, the way he was looking at me. His lips were parted slightly and his silver eyes looked shocked. Like he'd seen the monster inside of me and that shocked him. And then he  _ran,_ he fucking ran away from me. Fuck, what have I done. Once I'm sure Petra is okay I walk off towards my dorm building. I pull out my pack of cigarettes and take my lighter out of my jeans pocket, its a rainbow lighter that Jean got me for my birthday last year and it's so goddamn gay and he didn't expect me to actually like it he was just fucking around. But I use it everyday and even refill the fucking thing. We laugh about it every time I use it when I'm with him...But I'm not laughing now. No, now I'm looking at the sun slowly receding down the horizon in bright oranges and yellows and pinks as I light the end of my cancerous friend. After three puffs I feel slightly calmer. Only something that nicotine can do for me. 

_You say you want it, but, you can't get it,_

_You gotcho self,_

_a bad habit,_

_well look atchu,_

_walking up and down the hall,_

_I say please, I say please,_

_you know, I wish I had it all._

I find myself humming to a song I've grown to like after listening to Jean sing it for weeks now after he discovered on the radio. I stand outside my dorm building's door finishing my cigarette as I think to myself. 

_When are you gonna stop trying to be a Goddamn hero Jaeger._

I already know the answer though,

**never.**

 

    It's late, I don't know what time, probably an ungodly hour, but I can't sleep. My mind just replays Levi's expression over and over like some old time picturesque film. His pale lips parted, silver eyes wide, unable to look away, his hands at his sides, frozen in his place. Is that what I do to people? I scare them? I scared a tough guy like Levi? Or did I trigger something I don't even know about? I groan into my pillow and turn on my side to grab my phone off my night stand.

**4:02am**

    Fucking Christ. I wish I was dead asleep at 4:02 am. Not worrying about a guy that probably doesn't even like me...wait what? Do I like Levi? Is that what I'm getting at? I'm worrying so much because I like Levi and I think I scared him away? Fuck me, I need a cigarette. I roll off my bed unintentionally, whelp, now I'm definitely awake. I stand up and pull one of my flannels off a chair and put it on without bothering to put a shirt on, I do put pants on though. I walk out of my room and close the door quietly as to not wake up Armin. I head up the stairs to the roof. I stole a janitors keys to the door to the roof, it's nothing really to brag about, kinda douchey actually, but it's beautiful up there at night and all my friends know where I hide the key so everyone enjoys it. Once I'm at the third floor I find the door being held open by the big rock we have out there for that exact purpose. Who's awake and had the same idea as me? I open the door quietly and find Levi sitting on one of the lounge chairs looking up at the stars. His rave hair falls over his undercut as his head tilts up. He's wearing black sweatpants and a white t shirt and I can see how defined his biceps are. How did I not notice them before? Probably because I always overpower him so I've just thought I was stronger than him. Does he _let_ me overpower him? I can't see his face because he isn't facing me, but in the silence of the night er morning I hear him sigh. 

    "Don't just stand there, I know you're there already. I heard your heavy breathing a mile away. Your lungs must be shit," he says quietly as not to disrupt the stars above us.

    I take hesitant steps forward then walk in front of him to lean against the brick ledge that doubles as a railing sorta. I'm quiet for a moment before I decide to speak, "They're actually not that bad considering," I chuckle as I watch a meteor trail across the sky in a bright light then disappears as if it was never there at all. I find I don't feel the urge for the cigarette I made the trek up here for. That's odd. Levi pats the chair next to him and I lay down by his side. 

    "Why do you think we wish on flying space rocks plummeting to their deaths?" he whispers softly his eyes never leaving the sky as they search around looking for another meteor and I chuckle lowly.

    "I think when we were little we saw all those movies where someone wishes on a shooting star and then they always get their wish, so as kids we were just amazed by it and always made our wishes because we _believed_ they would come true. We had no doubt as kids. But I think now, as adults, we've been through life some, we know how much it fucking sucks. We know how fucked up things can get and how fairy tales are full of shit, but I think deep down we just need  _something_ to believe in. I see a meteor and I know how bright and beautiful they are, but I also know how quickly they leave and maybe, just maybe, if I make a wish it will take my wish with it wherever it goes and my wish will find it's way back to me by coming true." I whisper back and he nods his head slowly before speaking so quietly I almost don't hear him.

    "What if our wish is sitting right next to us." 

    _Then it's already come true_ , I think to myself as I slip my hand into his own and he entwines our fingers. I look over at him as a smile ghosts across his face briefly. 

 

    I don't know how long we stayed out there, but the sun definitely came up and we were not ready for that to happen as we parted ways and I ran and hid under my covers until my first class. 

 

 

** Friday**

    I'm walking to the small coffee shop on campus on my way to meet up with Mikasa, she's been really busy with beauty school and we haven't seen each other in a while, but she texted me this morning and said she'd be on campus because she was visiting a friend which was weird. What friend? I mean I'm not saying Mikasa doesn't have friends, but she didn't say who they were and that's a little weird. I brush it off as I flick my cigarette away from my body then take a drag. I notice a girl holding a piece of paper with a confused look on her face and I think she's lost. Maybe a new student? She's short and has long blonde hair that falls past her shoulders. She's wearing a short pink skirt with black polka dots on it and a black shirt with a pink cardigan over it. She starts to look around at the buildings around us and I decide I should help her. 

    I walk up to her and try to keep my cigarette away from her by holding my arm by my side with my wrist bent up as to not burn myself. Lord knows I've done that enough already. She notices me and smiles shyly.

    "Are you lost?" I ask and she blushes and squeaks,

    "Yes, I'm new, I just transferred here." 

    I smile at her she's cute, she's like Petra, I feel I should take her under my wing, "I can help, I'm Eren and you are?" 

    She holds out one of her tiny little hands and pipes, "I'm Krista! It's so nice to meet you! Also nice to meet someone who knows the college." 

    She's really sweet and we talk for a while before I point her in the direction she needs to be. I give her my phone number if she ever needs anything. I remind myself to introduce her to my friend group. 

    

    I walk into the coffee shop and look around until I see familiar black hair. I find Mikasa at a small round table sitting quietly frowning slightly, her red scarf I gave her when we were kids hangs around her neck as always and I think the day it isn't the world might be ending. I walk up to her slowly, smiling and when she looks up her face changes immediately to a smile and she rushes up and jumps into my hug and throws her arms around my neck squeezing me. I breathe her in, she smells like home, I think she's always smelt like home to me. Mikasa is my home. 

    "I missed you," she whispers into the crook of my neck and I squeeze her tighter

    I breathe out a relieved sigh, "I missed you too." 

    After we're done hugging we sit down for a while and talk to each other. She tells me about beauty school and how well it's going, she asks how I am of course, overdoing it as always.

Are you eating well? You look skinny, are you still smoking? That's really bad for you, you should stop. What have you had to eat today? Are you going to all your classes? Are you sleeping well enough? How's Armin? How is your photography going? Are you doing well in all your classes? Do you- 

I start to zone out after a while because damn she worries too much, she always has, that's just how she is. After I've assured her I'm fine I ask her is she wants a drink and I walk away for a minute to go order. After standing in line for a few minutes I stand behind a well worn counter. It's green and has scuff marks on it from the years of use, what could leave scuff marks I'm not quite sure. On the counter are empty cups to show the different sizes the drinks come in. A familiar tall figure stands behind the counter in his work shirt that he knows is two sizes too small, but with biceps like his it really doesn't matter. He's like a goddamn football player slash professional wrestler and now that I think of it he did both in high school. He looks me up and down in his usual flirty manner and then grins at me. 

    "Hey Reiner," I roll my eyes

    "Dollface," he responds with a wink and then asks, "the usual?" I come here quite often because I'm in love with their camomile mint tea, I think it helps my throat, cigarettes are a really bad habit and I know it. I just like them too much to quit. 

    "Yeah and I'll have a green tea with two sugars no milk please," I say pulling out my cash

    "Anything for you  _Eren_ ," he purrs my name and then goes on to yell my order to Ymir, a friend of ours who also works here, he yells because he knows she hates it. 

    "Yeah yeah, no need to pierce my fucking ear drums you Ken doll," she shouts back not even caring about swearing at work. I chuckle at her insult and Reiner points his finger at her,

    "Not funny," then he notices me laughing and he reprimands me next, "I expected better from you, string hair I can understand, but you, you just broke my wee heart." 

    "There's nothing wee about you whale shark," Ymir counters 

    Reiner whips around to face her, "I swear to god I will throw you in the dumpster!" 

    "Guys! Can I pay already?" I laugh as I try to stop their playful bickering  

    "Fine," He draws out and takes my cash as I put my change in the tip jar, "I like those jeans on you, they really hug your ass," he smirks 

    "I'm gonna find a new coffee shop to go to," I say as Ymir hands me my drinks

    "And miss me out insult this meat head? Nah, come on," Ymir says dryly with a hint of sarcasm 

    I just shake my head and walk towards the table I left Mikasa at, flipping the bird at Reiner over my shoulder as he whistles loudly. Fucking perv. 

 

* * *

 

 

**Later**

    I sit back stage at Bar Rose hanging out with Jean and his band as we all lounge around before they have to perform in a few. Jax, the drummer, hangs upside down off the couch with half his body on the floor, his red curls hang away from his head and his arms lay on the floor as he jabbers on,

    "So I was standing there and this girl was flirting with me, AFTER I already told her I was gay as fuck, and she's just fucking biting her lip and giggling and asking me about my band-" 

    "Your band?" Jean interrupts loudly

    "Shut the fuck up, so she's like, 'so you're a drummer?' and I'm trying my best to be nice and all, but I'm looking for Henley, because the fucker is fucking twenty minutes late and she just keeps talking. And then she touches my arm like trailing her fingers up and and I kinda just jump back and she smirks at me like she thinks she's some fucking sex goddess or something and I'm like 'please don't touch me, I'm waiting for my BOYFRIEND' and it's like she doesn't hear a word I'm saying. Like my mouth is just moving, but no words are being spoken to her and at this point she's trying to get in my lap so I stand up and Henley walks up behind me and I'm like 'WE ARE NEVER COMING HERE AGAIN' and he just laughs. He fucking laughed at me. That girl was trying to seduce me and he thought it was fucking funny. So I grabbed his crotch right then and there and looked at her and I was like 'I'm gay as fuck, this is my gay as fuck boyfriend, now leave my gay self alone, goodbye!' and I think she got the hint when Henley growled in my ear and grabbed my arm and took me the fuck out of there. Man that was some fantastic car sex right there," Jax laughs uncontrollably 

    "Jax, come on, I don't need to hear about that," I mumble shaking my head

    "Don't hate me 'cause you don't have a hot boyfriend to have amazing car sex with," he sneers

    "I might soon," I say quietly more to myself than to anyone else, but Ollie hears me, the goddamn hawk with his hearing.

    "You like someone Eren?" he says slowly his almond eyes staring me down from his spot on the floor where he's sprawled out on his back with his hands behind his head.

    "What?! Why don't I know about this?! What, who, when, where, how, tell me!!" Jean practically pushes me off the couch he shakes my shoulders so hard

    "Why do I hang out with you people?" I push him away and he pouts 

    Greyson rolls his eyes at me, "Because we're the coolest gays ever and you love us dearly," he says in a sing song-y voice that he know makes me smile as he looks at me from across the room where he's sitting with his guitar on his lap in a plush chair.

    "Shut up," I can't hide the smile that creeps up on me

    "Well, come on now. What's his name?" Jax asks as he slides himself off the couch onto the floor where he sits up to look at me with his bright emerald eyes. I stare at his Nirvana t shirt as I answer him slowly, 

    "His name is Levi," I say 

    "Aw you're smiling," Ollie's soft voice says

    "What's his last name?" Jax asks 

    "Ackerman," I say without thinking then I realize my mistake, "Jax don't you dare! Don't you say anything to him. I'll kill you." I growl

    He grins at me mischievously and I know I'm screwed, "Imma find him dontchu worry your little cancerous self."

    I groan and throw my head back against the back of the couch. Jean speaks up, "Why does that name sound familiar?" he thinks for a minute and I can see the gears moving around in his brain, "Levi! He's in my chemistry class! He's God awful at it, and I help him sometimes. I know him. He's quiet mostly, but when he does speak he's mean. He made some poor kid nearly shit his pants because he stepped on his shoe," I chuckle at that and he looks at me incredulously like I've grown three heads.

    The door opens to the room suddenly and someone I don't know peaks their head in, "You guys are on in five," is all he says before he closes the door.

    "Show time my little gay band matees!" Jax hops up then runs straight towards the wall and flips off it landing on his feet perfectly. That strange random stunt being his before show tradition, God only knows how many walls he's done that off of.

    "One of these days you're going to break your neck," Ollie sighs as we shuffle out the door.   

 

    Bar Rose is filled with people all ready to have a good Friday night and listen to music while they drink. I see a familiar freckled boy walk through the front door and look around so I wave him over excitedly. Jean is going to be so happy!! I'm so glad he came. Marco walks up to me wearing dark jeans and a lazy blue t-shirt showing off his adorably freckled arms. He smiles brightly and I still believe he's an angel and we're all graced with his presence. 

    "Hi Eren It's s-so g-good to see you! I d-didn't miss J-Jean play did I?" he looks worried for a second

    "No, not at all, they're just about to start actually," I say as I pull him with me closer to the stage. We stand off to the side of it by a table where I can rest my drink down. Jean, Jax, Greyson, and Ollie all walk out onto the stage and Jean takes the mic.

    He looks out at the crowd with his signature million dollar smile and speaks, "How's everyone doing tonight?" he asks and the crowd respond with whistles and shouts and a few girls scream, specifically the three girls that are at every single one of Jean's bands concerts. They're like his fangirls or something and they always swoon over him even though he's as gay as a unicorn and looks like a horse. "That's good, well we're The Titans and we're gonna play some music to brighten this rainy night! How's that sound?" the whole bar cheers, "Alright then, Jax, will you do the honors?" 

    Jax grins as he starts the beat off with a few loud kicks on the bass and then the song starts. Jean sings as his eyes close and he leaves us all for his his world he goes to while performing. He holds both of his hands on the mic as his guitar hangs by it's strap around his body. Ollie sways around in his place off to Jean's left as he looks at his bass as he plays as to not look at the crowd because he still gets nervous performing. Greyson smiles cheekily his plays his guitar watching the girls crowd around the stage blushing and trying to touch him and he playfully steps back so they can't reach. I'll admit it, I've fawned over Greyson before. He's very attractive and if I were those girls I'd be in the same place. Jax bangs his head his red curls flying around as his hands move quickly around the drum set. The song ends and the next song is much slower and Jean speaks softly,

    "This song is for someone special to me, I'm not sure if he knows it yet, but I'm tripping over my words over him," Jean smiles sweetly and he looks over and sees Marco blushing next to me and he winks at him. Only while performing can Jean have all his confidence save him. Jean sings to Marco the whole song never taking his eyes off him and I know that they will be together in no time. 

     The rest of the night goes by perfectly and The Titans sound amazing as always and Jean and Marco leave together. I think my job is done here. 

* * *

 

 

 **Levi**     

    It's Saturday and I'm still giddy about that night not too long ago with Eren, he held my hand and we watched the stars like stereotypical straight people. But it was amazing. I haven't been this happy in a long time. I don't know what to think, I mean- I think I like Eren. Why else would just the thought of him make me smile like this? I don't really know. I do know that since that night on the bridge I think his Caribbean eyes saved me. I think his persistence and caring heart all saved me. Along with his actually pulling me off the railing. What would have happened if he didn't? I would- I would have never met him. Never have known his rough voice and sweet heart. I smile because I think he feels the same...I hope he feels the same...

   My phone buzzes away in my pocket and I pull it out only to find the name "Shithead" lit up, why is he calling me? A part of me tells me to answer it, so I do, albeit angrily,

    "What do you want Erwin?" I grumble 

    "Levi- It's Hanji- they found them- they're at Maria General- I'm running there- come..." he sounds out of breath and my mind blanks, my body is moving but my mind isn't there, is that my coat? My keys? Am I in my car? Is that the hospital sign? Automatic doors? Am I running? 

    My mind clears when I hear familiar voices I walk into a room and find Hanji sitting up in a hospital bed, she has cuts on her arms and legs, and some bruises too, but she looks well. I fall to my knees on the floor and my hands fly up my my mouth as I sob. She's okay. 

    She smiles at me, that bright hideous smile, "It took you long enough." 

    

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not crying, why are you crying?  
> Hanji I love youuuuu
> 
> Ha Jean's gay ass band  
> The Titans otherwise known as The Gaytans   
> Please love my babies, my ocs in Jean's band, because I love my babies, my ocs in Jean's band
> 
> JeeeeeeaaannnnMarrrrcooooooooo
> 
> Fucking Jax, babe
> 
> Eren saves the day! Again!
> 
> Do you guys hate me? I hate me, nah, this fic is my crazy new love!! 
> 
> Yay Hanji!! 
> 
> Also, the song lyrics are from the song Bad Habits by The Kooks and it's currently my favorite song!!  
> People argue whether it's Kooks sounding like Cooks or Kooks sounding like Kooky. I don't know what to think man.


	4. Fire Alarm's and Pretty Dates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so, sorry for this super late chapter update, things have been hectic with school and moving soon, but I hope you like it!

 

    "It took you long enough," she looks at me with that hideous smile as I cover my sobs with my hands from where I fell to my knees on the floor, "well, are you just gonna sit there all day or are you gonna come here?" 

    I slowly stand up walking to the side of her hospital bed, somehow she got them to give her a yellow hospital gown, yellow being her favorite color, the yellow stands out against her slightly pale skin. The cuts on her arms don't look too deep, but there are plenty of them. I look at her afraid she might disappear any moment, but that grin looks all too real as I tentatively hold her hand in my own and when she squeezes it I know. I know this isn't me dreaming, she's here, she's home. I move so fast she squeaks as I throw my arms around her and hide my face in the crook of her neck. She smells like she's always smelt, of starbursts. That godawful candy. I hold her tightly as to make sure she never leaves ever again. I was so scared for so long, a month is a long time to not know where or what happened to your best friend. Your best friend that keeps you out of trouble and constantly throws herself into your quiet mind. Oh my god I'm so happy she's home. 

    "Don't  _ever_ do this again," I try to growl but I think it comes out more as whimper, "Hanji I was so scared, so scared. You always come home, Hanji y-you didn't come home." 

    "I know, I'm so sorry Levi. I never meant for this to happen, but I'm home now. I'm here Levi." she always knows how to comfort me,  Jesus I missed her so much. 

    After we've sat there a moment like that I hear a chuckle, "Well isn't this a sight to see," I turn to find Mike in the doorway. He has cuts that match Hanji's and has a bandage covering almost the entirety of his left arm. His dirty blond hair is messy and dirty looking, but I'm glad he's okay, I'm glad they're both okay. He smiles at me, "Do I get one too?" he asks 

    "You weren't gone that long," I mumble and he laughs 

    "I missed you too, Levi," he comes to sit next to Hanji on her bed and kisses her forehead and she hums in response to the sweet gesture. 

    I grunt at their lovey actions, "What happened to your arm?" I ask

    "Poison ivy, and a pretty awful case of it. They said I could've died if it was uncured for one more day. That would've been bad, kinda need to stay here for a while longer." he says as he looks at the bandage on his arm

    "Oh my God you're okay!" all our heads shoot up at a winded Erwin wearing running shorts and a blue t shirt, his hair disheveled and falling out of place. He runs up to Hanji hugging her as I huff and sit in the chair next to the bed. He then draws back and puts a hand on Mike's shoulder and smiles, "I'm so glad you guys are okay." 

    "HANJI!" we all jump as Petra screams then begins to cry as she comes to stand at the foot of Hanji's bed too afraid to move any closer. Watching Petra cry is like watching a puppy with a broken leg try to walk, it's physically hurtful to watch. 

    "Come here, it's okay," Hanji says sweetly and Petra walks to the side of the bed where she latches herself around Hanji's neck crying more.

    "I d-didn't know w-where y-you w-were. Oh m-my God I-I'm so h-happy you're okay," Petra sobs as Hanji rubs her back trying to calm the girl down

    "I'm here now, it's gonna be okay, I promise." she promises

    "Mike," I turn to find Eld with one of his hands covering his mouth as tears fall slowly down his cheeks. Erwin freezes next to me then looks at the floor. Good, damn bastard. 

    Mike opens his arms and Eld runs into them hugging him, "I'm okay, a little beat up, but okay," Mike says as Eld steps back and looks at his arm worriedly, "poison ivy." 

    Eld just continues to hug him to death. 

    "Well, I'm glad the family's all here," Gunther says smiling as he hugs Eld hugging Mike. Erwin glares at the back of Gunther's head. It's no ones fault but his own. 

    "I'm so happy you're all here," Hanji smiles as Petra sits next to her on the bed holding her hand.

    "Are you going to tell us what the hell happened now?" I ask 

    Hanji looks up at Mike where he comes to stand next to her bed, Erwin stands behind my chair and Gunther and Eld stand at the foot of Hanji's bed, all of us surrounding them with worried eyes. 

    Mike starts, "Well, we went for a walk away from camp down a trail, but uh, Hanji found a beautiful butterfly that she wanted to examine. That butterfly began to fly off away from the trail though and Hanji ran after it and I ran after her and we ended up further and further away from the trail. When the butterfly finally landed Hanji was looking at it and I was standing next to her looking around where we were frantically searching for any signs of the trail. I found none...and once Hanji was done the butterfly flew off and was gone. It started to get dark all of the sudden as I watched storm clouds roll in and I knew we were fucked. It started to rain and we ran for cover under a large tree. It was cold, we were cold. The rain fell the rest of the day and we were so scared of moving into it to think we'd be searching in the dark soon to find our way back to camp, so instead we huddled up and stayed there the rest of the night." he stops then looks at Hanji

    "We woke up the next day to a squirrel pulling out a bag of snacks from Mike's backpack and running up a tree with it. It was no use getting it back because he started tree hopping the little bastard. So then we were left without food. We had water though," Hanji looks at her hands and it's a sad sight because she's always so expressive, "I don't even know how long we were lost walking around, but we got pretty scratched up from all the brush. Hence our arms. We ran out of water at what we thought was our second week, turns out it was our fourth week..." she trails off

    "They said the blood hounds found us under a ledge, the police thought we were dead, but we were just dehydrated and passed out. I woke up in the hospital frantic because I didn't see Hanji," at that moment she entwines her fingers in his own comforting him and he smiles slightly, "Sorry for the scare guys..." 

 

    Damn right you're sorry, I almost died without you Hanji...

   

    After most of our friends left only Erwin and I remain and Erwin is nervous and looking anywhere, but Hanji while I just stare at the floor. Mike notices Erwin's discomfort and Hanji notices my own. They look at each other then at us, then in unison ask, "what happened?' 

    "Erwin cheated on Eld, numerous times," I say flatly

    "Levi tried to kill himself..." Erwin says somberly looking at the floor and we wait for Hanji's reaction

    "YOU WHAT?!" she shouts after a beat as Mike just looks at us with wide eyes, "you I'll get to in a minute!" she points at Erwin then looks at me, "what happened Levi?" she says more softly

    I don't look at her, instead I find my combat boots much more interesting as I sigh, I don't really know how to explain this...

    "I don't know. I just, I just wanted out. I was done with feeling awful, with Kenny's bullshit, with your absence. I was so alone, or at least I felt so alone, Erwin was becoming a dick and unrecognizable and I just let the darkness consume me until I was sitting on the railing of that bridge. I was- I was almost gone for a minute, Hanji. If it weren't for a bright eyed brat I'd be gone..." I didn't know there was a tear running down my face until Hanji wiped it away. I look up into her sad eyes and see her own tears falling down her cheeks 

    "Tell me about this bright eyed brat?" she smiles sadly through her tears. 

 

* * *

 

 

    Hanji's last day in the hospital is Friday and she's so antsy to get out. She's been driving the nurses crazy making them chase her around the hospital, it's actually quite funny, to me at least. She told me the first thing she wants to do when she gets out is go to Bar Rose and I agreed. I think she deserves a drink after all the shit she came home to...I'm lost in my own thoughts as I walk up the stairs to the library, that is until I'm almost knocked off my feet as hands grab my forearms so I don't fall. I glare up into bright emerald eyes I don't recognize. He's grinning and his curly fiery red hair falls in every direction, wait, why is he grinning?

    "Oh gosh I'm sorry I didn't see you there!" he says as I let him pull me up slightly where I notice he's just about my height surprisingly. He drops his hands from my forearms. "My friend Eren is always telling me to watch my feet, he says I've heard one too many cymbal crashes," he laughs cheerily, he knows Eren?

    "You know Eren?" I ask calmly 

    "Oh yeah, Eren and I go way back, under that tough appearance he's a fucking goof, did you know he's extremely ticklish? Man, you ever want him to tell you something just tickle him, he's defenseless it's great. He was telling me the other day about this guy he's like madly in love with or something. Hmm what was his name again? It was an L name, Lee, no, Leo, Lenard, AHA Levi! Yeah that's it! Well anyways, I gotta go. Sorry about bumping into ya," then he smirks deviously and whispers, "Levi." 

    Then just as fast as he entered he's gone in a whoosh of red curls. What just happened? He knew who I was the entire time...didn't he? My face feels hot, am I blushing? 

    I hear my name come from an all too familiar raspy voice as I turn to meet Caribbean ocean eyes as he walks up to me coming up to hover over to me, "Are you- are you blushing, Levi?" he says with wide eyes, if that's even possible because his eyes are already so fucking huge.

    "No," I mumble looking down as he pulls my face up to his with careful fingers. 

    He smirks like some sort of golden god, "You most certainly are blushing,  _Levi"_ the way he purrs my name causes all common sense to leave my body as I lean up on my tippy toes and crash my lips onto his. There's no pause as he melts into my kiss and hums and I find myself sighing into the kiss as I memorize the way his lips feel against my own. As mushy as it sounds it feels as if our lips were meant to be together like they were molded and then separated into two different pairs. That familiar scent of lilacs invades my senses and I pull away reluctantly. Our faces stay close though, our foreheads touching, "Do you want to go out to dinner tonight?" he asks quickly and all I can do is nod my head in response. 

    "GET IT JAEGER!!" someone yells and then there's loud whistling. 

    Eren sighs, smiling at me slightly, then pulls away to shout, "Fuck yourself Kirstein!" and then he looks back at me with those huge eyes, "I'll pick you up at 8:00?" he asks.

    I bite my lip to hide my smile,  _what is he doing to me_ _?_ "Don't be late," I say as he steps away from me down a few steps then looks back up at me and says,

    "I wouldn't dare," with a wink and then he's running off and jumping on his longboard. Where did that comes from? Was he holding it the whole time? Nope, I definitely wasn't checking out his ass as he rode away. Not at all. How does his stupid hat not fall off? What is going on with me? My heart is doing this stupid little flip and it won't stop until he disappears into the crowd of college kids, am I going into cardiac arrest, Jesus Christmas someone call an ambulance. I can physically feel my heart trying to break out of my ribs stop this right now Levi Ackerman, what the fuck, get yourself under control, stop thinking about golden skin and bright turquoise eyes that I jus- I'm fine. I'm fine. I just need to- 

     "Levi! Are you okay?" I realize I've tripped on a step when Petra kneels down next to me, "Does it have anything to do with that cute guy that just left?" 

     "Fine! I'm fine." I say as I jump up and run up the steps disappearing into the library and just before the library door closes I hear Petra's quick,

     "But Levi!" and then it shuts and the silence of the library envelopes me. 

    Ah sweet silence, everything is okay, I take a deep breathe in and out and  _ **wait what am I going to wear?!**  _

 

     **Eren**

 

   Don't fall, don't fall, watch that rock, person, person, rock, "EREN OH MY GOD!" I'm suddenly pulled off my board by strong arms and spun around, is that blond hair? 

"What happened? Jean said you kissed him! What happens now? Are you guys gonna date? Oh my God I haven't even seen him yet and I know you guys are gonna be adorable!!! Levi right? I'm so happy, why aren't you hap-" 

    "Greyson! Calm down!" I hold on to his forearms as he holds my own and we stand there like that, "Breathe," he takes a deep breathe in and out with me, "Okay, yes I kissed him or more like he kissed me, but I asked him if he wanted to go out to dinner with me to-" 

     "What did he say?" he asks me in his adorable little giddy voice 

     "Hold on, hold on," 

     He shakes my arms and stomps his feet up and down rapidly, "I  _am_ holding on!" he squeals 

     "He said yes!" I smile and give in to his giddiness, "I'm gonna pick him up at 8:00, I'm actually really exci-" 

     "What are you going to wear?" he looks up and down my outfit, "hmm yeah, honey you need help," 

     I frown and look at him funny, "Need help? My clothes are fine I jus-" 

     "Come on! Come on,  _come on_ ," he drags me along with him and it took all my strength to grab my longboard before his iron grasp pulled me to wherever we're going. For such a cheeky and adorable guy,  _he's fucking strong_. He's babbling and I'm only hearing bits and pieces as he drags me to what I suspect is my dorm room, "ooh maybe those dark blue jeans, oh! But black t-shirts are always so great on you, but no, maybe colors! Yes, so many, blue pants, green t-shirt, shoes! Oh shoes maybe-" I groan as I pull out my cigarette package from my pocket, "why are you groaning-no! none of that! Not tonight" he takes my cigarettes away from me and I pout at him with my best puppy dog eyes, "No! I know you smell lovely always, but no! That's not gonna work donchu look at me like that, stop it," 

     "Come on Greyson, pleeeeeease?" I whine as I try to snatch the package while he's distracted, but to no avail

     He points a finger at me, "No," and stuffs them down his pants and I gasp, "That's right, can't get them now, you gotta new boyfriend to look forward to. Now be a gentleman and open this door for me?" I open the door as I grumble

     "He's not my boyfriend yet," 

     "Nonsense!" he shouts as I'm pulled down the dorm hallway, "Now the real question is blue shirt or green shirt?" all I can door is groan loudly. 

    

* * *

**Levi**

 

   I look at myself in the mirror, I'm wearing my favorite grey jeans, I won't lie, they make my ass look great. They have a sort of white wash that kinda brightens up the fabric on the front of my thighs, the back, and down the knees and shins. They're snug and that's why I like them because there's no messy fabric that won't fall the right way and if there's too much you even up with those awful marks on your skin where stupid extra fabric was pushed against your skin wrongly. I just like them snug. On top I'm wearing a white short sleeve t-shirt that I admit is a little tight, but hey Eren won't mind...will he? I top off my look with my well-worn black combat boots, I've kicked a lot of assholes's ass with this babies, actually Erwin was added to that list not too long ago... I sigh as I put some gel in my hair to try and fix this awful center part I have. I throw some pieces from the left to the right until I deem it okay. I try to smile at myself in the mirror, but I just look silly. I guess it's true. I really can't force a smile. Not even for myself. But Eren pulls them out of me like bunnies out of a magicians hat. He draws them out of thin air. With his goofy smile and raspy voice that seems so rough, but can be so sweet...I hear a knock at my dorm room door.

    "Coming," I say as I check my appearance one more time before open my door to reveal Eren and he looks  _gorgeous_. We stand there for a minute looking at each other neither saying a word. He's wearing a fitting green t-shirt with tight blue jeans and red vans and has his signature silly hat on that matches his eyes. His hair curls messily in all the right places and his lips part slightly in...surprise? He looks beautiful and I think I could stare at him forever. He's heavenly, like something out of this world that can't possibly be standing right in front of me. He's like a nicotine addicted angel with eyes that hold their own oceans. 

    "Levi, you look," he's cut off by the blaring sound that is the fire alarm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit short chapter is shit, so sorry, oh and cliffhanger? oops sorry guys, *cough cough* not really
> 
> Btw Greyson is an actual angel please love him, he just wants Ereri as much as we do
> 
> Sorry guys, I'll do better next chapter I just felt like I had to give you something, but DATE GUYS, FIRST DATE!  
> *BLARES BLINK 182* 
> 
> Fuckin sorry about Longboarder!Eren I just can feel that he's the kind of douchebag longboarder 
> 
> Until next times my friends 
> 
> OH, I JUST GOT HOME FROM SEEING AGE OF ULTRON GUYS HOLY SHIT YES


	5. Unveiled Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, hey guys I'm so so SO SORRY for this awfully late chapter update. I've been kinda depressed and haven't had any ambition to write, but I have got my writey feels again now! So yay! I hope you like this chapter!! Thank you all for reading this I love you all for all your kudos and the people that leave comments make my heart swell with joy! EE I'll stop talking!!

 

     Eren never got to finish his sentence do to the eardrum piercing blare of the fucking fire alarm, and I swear to god if I find the moron that set it off I'm going to break his arm. Eren looks pissed off to no avail, his jaw is clenching and unclenching and there's a deep frown set on his plump pink lips as he looks down the hall. Hm, maybe he'll help me break the kid's arm. But the moment he looks back at me his expression changes to a lighter one, and he smiles slightly before he says,

     "Maybe we should go, in case for some godforsaken reason there actually is a real fire," and then holds out his hand to me and I look at it for a second the realization hitting me that he wants to hold my hand- _holy shit Levi pull yourself together_ \- before I take it checking with my other hand to make sure I have my essentials in my pockets, which I do. 

     We walk down the hall with all the other assholes everyone moving like zombies, some half asleep, some wide awake, even one kid with headphones in. That's _brilliant_ , lemme fucking put headphones on while a fire alarm goes off. It's not like it's loud and annoying for a reason. I hear a familiar voice behind us arguing with another.

     "Greyson I swear to God, it's fucking fine, some jackass probably just pulled it like every other fucking time. Now will you shut the fuck up," I turn to see Eren's friend, what's his fuck, without a shirt on arguing with a blond next to him who seems to be nervous. Eren turns around the same time I do.

     "Hey Horse Shit where's your fucking shirt, one, and two are you gonna help me beat the shit out of whoever pulled the damn alarm 'cause I had plans," Eren growls out, but never let's go of my hand even though he turns toward his friends.

      The blond looks to where our hands are linked and begins to squeal like fucking Hanji for Christs sake, then begins to smack the two-toned kid's arm rapidly only to be pushed away roughly, "Shut up Greyson I'm not blind. Jaeger, you find the kid that woke me up the first time I've gotten a solid two hours sleep I promise you I'll help you hand him his ass on a silver platter. Also, incase you didn't already figure this out, I was sleeping, it's a wonder I got pants on." the guy says roughly 

     "Gross," Eren sighs and then looks at me and his eyes widen, "Oh shit, Levi this is Jean and Greyson, Greyson and Jean this is Levi. Greyson don't-" Eren doesn't get to finish his sentence because I'm already being pummeled into a hug by said Greyson as he shouts word vomit at me.

     "Oh my gosh! So you're Levi, Eren hasn't told us anything about you but your name and he smiled when he said your name so he must really like you already which is so cute! Do you like him too? Oh my god, you're so hot, I get it now. Wow you guys are holding hands ah you're so cute already and you're not even- wait are you guys- oh my gosh Eren! Are you-" This time it's Eren who interrupts by pulling Greyson off of me as the boy squeaks 

      "Greyson, Jesus Christ can we get out of the building that may or may not be on fire?" Eren barks as he takes my hand and we walk out the door where he leans into me and whispers, "Run." and I look at him confused until he bolts which causes me to run after him and I can hear the boy whining from where we left them.

     "Eren!! That's so mean!" Greyson shouts 

     Eren laughs as we run and he looks back behind him grinning making sure that the boy didn't follow. I can't help but laugh myself, it seems Eren brings out the best in me with ease. I don't even know where we're running to as we make out way down the campus sidewalk shoes slapping the pavement echoing off the quiet dark buildings and Eren points ahead and to the left before shouting, "Parking lot!" We make our way to a set of stairs that go down into the parking lot and I slow to a jog as to not break my neck on the steps, stopping when I notice Eren not slowing down and then he just somehow hops onto the railing and slides down it like some sort of fucking acrobat. Grinning at me from the bottom of the stairs he shouts, "Coming?" and I can only shake my head as I jog down the steps quickly then stopping in front of him and he sighs, "You're no fun."

     I stick my tongue out at him and he smiles turning and walking towards a blue Nisson Altima and I follow.

     "He would have just kept talking if we didn't run," He says as he unlocks the doors with the key fob and walks to the passenger side and opens the door for me and I mock surprise,

      "What a gentleman," I smirk as I sit down inside his car which I'm surprised to find beautifully clean. He only rolls his eyes at me and shuts the door gently. I watch as his shirt rides up slightly as he jogs around the car revealing a sliver caramel skin that is enough to make my mouth water. He hops into the drivers side and puts his seatbelt on then looks over at me to check if I have my own on, which I do. 

     He starts the car and turns to look behind him hooking his arm over the back of my seat, his close proximity gives me butterflies as I trace the sharp angles of his jaw with my eyes while he's distracted backing up then he says, "Colors," matter-of-factly as if it's supposed to mean something.  

     "What?" I say not understanding.

     "He always starts with your favorite color. What's your favorite color, Levi?" he smirks as he shifts the car into drive.

     I smile as I look out the window and watch the campus disappear, "Caribbean blue," I mumble and turn to find his lips quirk into the slightest smile and I do believe I've been caught. Caribbean blue, as in the color that I think most describes his beautiful eyes. 

     "I like silver," he whispers as we drive off to wherever he's taking me.  _Clever_. 

     

     After a few minutes of silent driving I turn to him, "Hey Eren?"

     "Hey Levi?" he grins looking over at me for a moment then back to the road

     I give him a half hearted glare before continuing, "Where are you taking me?" 

     "It's a surprise, shh," he puts his finger to my lips and when I shove him away he pouts.

     "Ugh, don't touch me with your dirty paws, god only knows the last time you washed them," I growl. I don't like surprises, I don't really like not knowing anything. If I don't know what's going to happen then I have no time to plan or get in the right mind set...but that just might be my rebellious teenage years speaking. I wasn't the best kid during my high school years, Kenny was always busy with work so he wasn't really around to give a shit, and after my mom died I didn't really want to give a shit either. So I didn't. I got involved with shitty people, did shitty things, and surely put my fighting skills to the test plenty. So I guess being on my toes is ingrained into my being, that's why I don't like surprises. Surprises usually meant bullets and I fucking  _hate_  bullets. Jesus knows the amount I've pulled out of myself, too many. But because of my impeccable stitching abilities I don't have many scars, I don't know how, but I don't. Thinking back to those days I think of  _them_ and I'd rather not so I shake my head as to rid myself of those thoughts.

      I turn my head to a certain blue-eyed brat and look away to hide my smile. He's helped me so much and I don't even know how to begin to say how much I'm thankful for him. Gratefulness aside, there seems to be something else I'm beginning to feel for Ocean Eyes, and it's something that kinda scares me shitless, but also makes my heart hammer in my chest like a woodpecker on crack and I keep pushing that tiny thought in my head farther and farther back. I really don't even want to admit it to myself, because then- then it means it's real. It means that what I feel is real, and I really can't think about that because then I self doubt and I'm so sick of self doubting. No matter how much I hold up my arrogant facade, that's really all it is, that's really all it's ever been,  _a mask_ , something to hide behind. If people think I'm a piece of shit, then maybe they won't try to get close to me. They won't get close enough for me to hurt them like I've hurt so many. 

       _I cannot hurt Eren._  

      I don't know what I'd do if I did. I think...I think if I were to hurt him...to see those Caribbean eyes filled with tears that I caused...that I might shatter...

     "Levi we're here!" Eren bounces excitedly in his seat, something that I feel is awfully childish for someone with such a sinfully low voice, then he looks at me expectantly and the mask goes on. For now anyway.

     "Then why are we still sitting here brat?" I roll my eyes trying to fight off a smile, it's sounds weird, but it works. 

     He unclips his seatbelt then my own and opens his door getting out and as I'm about to open my own he points at me through the windshield and mouths, ' _Stay'_ and I chuckle. When he opens my door I'm still trying to stifle my laughter and he looks down at me frowning and with the way his lip pouts slightly and his nose scrunches up I find myself smiling at him.  _There he goes stealing my mask again._

     "Shut up and come on," he says lowly and I comply getting out of the car and waiting for him as he shuts the door and locks the car. He walks up next to me and his hand on the small of my back doesn't go unnoticed as we walk into the restaurant. By the looks of it, it look Italian which is my favorite. I wonder if he knew?  

 

     After we're seated in a booth across from each other and our orders are taken I decide to start the conversation for a change, "So, I know you want to be a photographer, but what do you want to photograph? What is your dream photographer position?" I ask as I stare intently into those eyes him while twirling my straw in my drink. 

     "Well, all my life I've always captured nature scenes and mostly my friends," he laughs remembering something, "our drunken teenage years were not forgotten due to the fact that I always had my camera on me." I chuckled slightly waiting for him to continue, he smiles looking near me, but I don't think he was seeing me. More like staring off into his past as he spoke, "My head was always in the dirt, whether it was because I was on the ground taking different perspectives or getting myself into trouble fighting. Ah, hah, but I think I'd like to maybe be a photographer for like National Geographic. Think of all the amazing places they'd send me. Jesus Christ, that would be amazing. I think that- I think that's what I want to work towards. But enough about me," his ocean eyes flicked towards me and he wets his lips before speaking again, "You never really told me what you want to do. Levi, what do you want to do with that pretty little head of yours," he smirks and my face tinges pink as I look away.

      "I want to be a writer, I want to write books, fantasy and fiction. I want to make a difference. I want to help people with my books, to let them know that it, uh, that it gets better," I dare a glance at him and I find him looking at me with soft eyes and a tender smile, I look at the table instead so I can say what I'm trying to say and make it feel not so direct. Try to make it easier to say what I've only really told Hanji, I keep going, "I want to show them how even though it can get really dark sometimes, and sometimes you fumble around in the dark for a while lost and confused, but then somehow you find light in something,"  _or someone_ "and even just one candle, one flashlight can help you find your way out. That you  _can_ get better. But also that  _it's okay_ if you fall back down, because you already know you've found your way out the darkness once, so you can do it again. I just want to help people who feel how I've felt, how I  _feel,_ and the only way I can really do that is through my writing, because words tend to be harder for me to..."  _say_. 

     I look back up at Eren and he has the sweetest smile on his face, I don't know how he manages to soften his sharp jaw and features, but he does, albeit  _flawlessly_. Before either of us can say anything our waiter returns with our food and we dig in, Eren a bit more messily than myself, but for some reason it only makes me laugh. Then his eyes close and he moans with a mouthful of food, "mmf so gooh," I only shake my head as I twirl my linguini on my fork.

     "Dork," I say and he looks up with spaghetti sauce on his chin and I find myself hovering over the table and swiping the sauce away from his chin with my thumb then popping my thumb in my mouth to lick it away and smile, "That's really good vodka sauce," I hum and he looks at me with wide eyes for a couple seconds before continuing eating. 

     

      The rest of our dinner went on mostly uneventful with us exchanging smiles and chuckles from across the tables and maybe some flirting, yeah definitely flirting.

     As  we walk out to his car I stand on my tippy toes and whisper in his ear, "You have a nice ass," causing him to stop walking giving me the chance to pinch his butt and he growls as I run ahead of him then walk backwards slowly teasing him. 

     "Are you just gonna stand there princess?" I say lowly as I find myself a foot away from his car. Within seconds I'm being pushed up against the drivers door with Eren's hands on my hips tightly.

     "I'm no princess baby," He growls into my ear as he grinds his hips into my own roughly making me squeak and he smirks, "but _you_ can be _my_ princess, you have to be a good princess though," he bites my ear lobe tugging it carefully enjoying the whines he's pulling out of me, "can you do that?" he asks pulling away to look at me with blown pupils and specs of gold sprinkling through his blue-green. I nod my head quickly, finding out that I never had the upper hand on dominance and strangely I'm okay with that because it's  _Eren_ and I think I find myself trusting him. 

      "Good," he leans back against me his hands still on my hips as he looks at my lips then back to my eyes, "Can I kiss you?" he asks breathily and I snort making him growl as he frowns at me and I look into his wild eyes once more before I whisper,

     "Please." And that's all he needs before he leans in for what I was expecting to be a rough kiss, but I was wrong. He gently presses his lips on my own for what is the second time today and again I'm reminded of how perfectly our lips fit together. I pull my arms around his neck standing on the tips of my toes to get better access and the friction between us causes him to groan into my mouth in what I can only describe as the most sinful sound I've ever heard. 

      "You're making it really hard for me to hold back," he mumbles against my lips and I slip back down to the balls of my feet creating more friction just to hear him again, what I hear causes all the blood to run down to my pants as he groans, " _Levi_ ," and then he smirks into the kiss when he feels what he just did to me. He licks my bottom lip asking for entrance and I give in to him and he gives me no chance to react before his wet tongue is exploring the entirety of my mouth then fighting with my own as I try to find my way into his own then biting his bottom lip harshly instead, as if I've hit a nerve in him, Eren rolls his hips back into mine then trailing kisses away from my lips. With open mouthed kisses he leads his way down my jaw, then neck, then to my collar bone where he bites roughly making me squirm and throw my head back with a soft moan. "I don't like being teased," he breathes into my ear and pulls away completely from me and I let out a pitiful whine as he steps back and looks at me with a smirk, "Look at you," he purrs, "you look wrecked and I haven't even touched you yet." 

     I only glare at him angrily, more so frustratedly,  _sexually_  frustratedly, that is. He grabs my hand pulling me around to the passenger side where he opens the door  ushering me in closing the door and jogging around the car only to plop into the drivers seat slamming the door and starting the car roughly. As he begins to back out I snake my hand into his lap and he growls a warning, " _Levi."_ halting my actions and I put my hand back into my own with a small huff. 

     "Don't give me that. You want to make it home don't you? We won't if you don't keep your hands to yourself." 

     After he begins driving I pretend not to notice how his speed increases when my hands travel up my thighs inching towards my crotch slowly where I cup myself keening softly. 

     " _LEVI!"_ Eren shouts and I chuckle lowly 

     "Yes?" I ask in my most innocent tone turning to face him with a sweet smile

     "I'm going to crash the car if you do not behave yourself, I need five minutes to get to campus, can you give me five damn minutes?" he rasps and I growl myself crossing my arms, "Thank you. Fuck, I need a cigarette." 

 

     Once we pull into the campus parking lot and the car is in park I jump on his lap barely giving him enough time to unbuckle his seat belt let alone shut the car off. I'm straddling his lap, my lips on his as he pulls the keys out of the ignition, he pushes them into his pocket then his arms wrap around my sides traveling from my hips, then up under my white t shirt where he finds my left nipple with his fingers tweaking causing me to pull away and bite my lip to stifle a moan trying to escape. Eren looks at me with lust, "Fuck, I need you in my bed." he mumbles as he removes his hands from under my shirt opening the door instead and picking me up and pushing me out the door where I somehow manage to stay on my feet. He gets out quickly shutting the door and locking the car quickly before finding my lips again in a heated embrace. I'm one again pushed against the door as he mumbles dirty things into my lips, "God, I could fuck you right here. We," he pecks me, "really," another small peck, "to go," another, " _now_." then one last peck before he picks me up bridal style ignoring my protests with a growl as he carries me up the stairs then down the side walk as I look at him incredulously for trying to carry me the whole way. 

     He looks at me funny, "What?" he smiles as he continues walking at a fast pace without jostling me somehow

     "You're really gonna carry me the whole way?" I ask 

     "Yep," he pops the 'P' 

     I look forward and notice someone walking towards us. He has a briefcase in one hand and he's in a crisp brown suit with neat brown dress pants to match and black shoes. I realize him to be Mr. Pixis the American Environmental History professor and my face flushes as I hide in the crook of Eren's neck as he stifles a laugh. The man walks by us with no reaction other than saying,

     "Jaeger." sternly with a nod to which Eren replied

     "Professor." equally as sternly with his own nod

     We continue walking trying to hold in our laughing as I whispered stupid things like, "Talk about boner kill," and "He didn't even bat an eye," in Eren's ear and before we knew it we were at our dorm building's door. I pulled out my card to open the door and Eren whizzed through it and down the hallway where two familiar kids stood outside their doors immediately looking at us with wide eyes then slamming their doors shut behind them. I wonder what happened, I mean, other than the fact that Eren has me bridal style in his arms, but when I look at him I catch the tail end of the glare he was giving them before they bolted and I laugh. He makes his way to his dorm room door and puts me down outside the door while he gets his keys out of his pocket. 

     I trail my hands down his rather large biceps then across to his chest where I drag my nails down the front of his shirt and he drops his keys with a gasp then ocean eyes glare at me and in an instant hands on either side of my head against the door trapping me inside him and specks of gold line his eyes again as he watches me very carefully, "What did I say about being a good princess?" he speaks evenly, so much it's a little intimidating as I believe that was intended to be. 

      I slide down the door slowly and he watches me not moving his arms and inch as I grab the keys and slide back up with a little more effort then turn around and put the key in the door only to be pushed against it with something hard poking my ass through jeans then, at a time like this I know, but I remember something between my soft mewl. 

      "What about A-Armin?" I ask quietly and Eren groans impatiently waiting for me to open the door

      He leans into my ear from behind, "I told him to stay out if he knew what was good for him, now  _cutie_ will you  _please_ open this door?" he hums

      I open it in one turn and if it wasn't for Eren grabbing my waist I probably would've fallen forward, but he never even let me get close to falling. He pushes us inside closing the door behind him with the shove of his foot and let me go to walk over to the bed where he turns the light on on the nightstand then sitting on the bed running his hands through his hair taking his beanie off with one swift motion. I stand still for a moment, a slight panic begins to rise through me,  _is he regretting this?_ His head turns and my silver ones melt with Caribbean blue he speaks slowly watching me

     "Come here." 

     I walk over to him and stand between his open legs and he pulls me into a hug so his head rests on my stomach with his arms around my waist and my breath hitches in my throat. He's being so,  _tender_   _and sweet_ I try not to melt into his touch, but it's so hard. He pulls away, only enough to look up at me with soft eyes.

     "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asks, "It's okay if you aren't ready." _he's so fucking perfect_

     "I want to." I state firmly and he nods slowly then has me sit on one of his thighs as he pulls my combat boots off each foot carefully placing them on the floor and I can't help but smile at him. Before he can act any more sweetly I straddle his lap and hold my head close to his ear where I whisper, "I like that you're being really sweet and all, but," I grind down harshly on him surprising him into a higher pitched yelp that I didn't know he could make, "I want the other guy back." I bite his neck trying to push him enough to the point where he gets tired of my teasing. He growls and his hands find my waist where he pulls me closer to him and more on top of his crotch and he pushes me down causing both of us to make small sounds. I find his lips and he crashes his own onto mine feverishly as his hands pull at the hem of my shirt and I nod my head letting him pull it over my head in one swift motion. He pulls me back making me whine as his dick rubs against my asshole at the new angle and I watch him as he looks over my chest. I look away when his eyes travel over the scars on my right side, two small bullet holes right next to each other, and one longer stab wound that didn't heal very prettily. I don't deny that I am a little self conscious about the scars and I think Eren realizes when he looks back at me and sees me looking away. He kisses up my bicep until he makes it to my shoulder then to my collar bone, and up my neck where mumbles, "Beautiful," between kisses and I blush as he runs his fingers over my scars in featherlight touches, "So fucking beautiful," he moves his hands over my abs, slowly touching all the dips and everywhere in between, "and  _hot_. So goddamn hot mgh," 

     I pull on his green shirt and he whips it off and throws it across the room. Once the repulsive clothing is gone I trace my eyes over every inch of his beautiful caramel skin, his abs are more defined than mine and his biceps larger, but I don't really mind,  _he's gorgeous_ and I'm surprised to find he has his own collection of unattractive scars. Or maybe he thinks their unattractive, I think they're something that makes him,  _him_. There's one that's jagged above his left pectoral muscle tracing from the middle of his chest to his shoulder and my lips part as I run my fingers over the rough skin.

    "My dad had a beer bottle, he broke it on my right shoulder first," he moved his shoulder so I could see the smaller lines littering his shoulder, "then before I could back away he got me here," he pointed to his chest, "and that was only me coming out to them. My mom was in hysterics that night, he blamed her for my being gay, he was trying to hit her with the bottle but I jumped in the way. It pissed him off so that's why he left me this. I was seventeen," he began to chuckle darkly and I stared at him, "Not as bad as the time he caught me with my first boyfriend though." he points to a line that trails down his right side. I didn't know what to say, I had no clue he could match my darkness, or come anywhere near it. But here he is, beautifully scarred like me... My hands hold his face as I kiss him slowly then more fiercely he meets my kiss wrapping his arms around me then laying back onto the bed kicking his shoes off then pulling us farther up the bed as I deepened our kiss intruding my tongue into his mouth causing him to groan then swiftly in one motion he flips us so he's on top and smiles.

     "That's better." he then drags his hands down my chest until they rest at my hips where they stay still until I lift my hips up to urge him on, "So impatient," he chides as he unbuttons and unzips my jeans much faster ripping them off quickly before cupping me in my boxers groaning I wiggle my hips growing more impatient by the second, "What? You mean you want me to take these off?" I whine and nod my head, "Like this?" he pulls the waist band down agonizingly slow and I growl frustratedly. 

     "Tsk tsk tsk, so bad," he pulls my boxers off and stares at my cock hungrily before licking it without warning making me mewl then wrapping his lips around the head of it taking my not so small cock into his mouth and after a few bobs of his head and hums I'm already panting. "Can I take these off now?" he pulls at his blue jeans and I nod my head vigorously. 

     He strips quickly and I stare at his fucking enormous cock and- is that- is that a dick piercing?  _Holy shit._ I stare at the black shiny ball at the base of his dick with want and  _need_. 

     "Eren, please," I beg wanting to feel him inside me 

     "Please what princess?" he rasps looking at me with gold specked eyes

     "I need your cock, please give it to me, Eren  _please_ ," I whine, I can't even look at his beautiful cock anymore I just want it  _inside me_ right now filling me up to the brim. 

     "Okay baby," he leans over me to grab a bottle of lube out of his nightstand drawer along with a condom then positions himself between me pushing my legs up towards me so my knees are bent. He spreads a generous amount of lube over his fingers warming it up then looks at me with those eyes, those damn eyes that say,  _are you okay? are you sure?_ and I just nod my head as he bends down to me kissing me deeply as he thrusts the first finger in all at once and I grunt. He begins to move his finger around inside causing little sounds to fall from my lips as I break away from Eren's kiss. He curls his finger a certain way and I shout,

     " _nng-_ Eren! mmnhh" I squeal

     "Ah, there it is." he smirks he adds a second finger, more sounds falling from my lips as he scissors his fingers inside

     "Eren nnggh mmng  _ah! Eren!"_ I cry out then biting my lip to cease the next cry that causes hurt to wash across my face when he adds a third finger, I open my eyes to find hurt ocean blue ones looking at me

     "I'm sorry Levi, it won't hurt in a minute," he says kissing tears away I didn't even know were spilling "I'll make it feel better, I'm  _so sorry_ I promise." he twists his fingers hitting that bundle of nerves causing me to shout his name along with a few profanities and a grin threatens to break across Eren's face looking down at me. 

     He pulls his fingers out and I whimper at the loss of contact, I watch as he rolls the condom onto his  _very_ large dick that was about to be put in me. Jesus it's huge, making me want it even more. He presses his dick against my entrance locking eyes with mine as he holds my cheek with one of his hands while the other guides him, I lean into his touch as he slowly pushes in stretching me wide. I bite down on my hand as not to cry out as Eren holds my face in his hands wiping away my tears,   
"I know baby, I know," his low voice is soothing in a way and once he is mostly in he stills for a moment and I wait a beat before nodding my head for him to start. He pulls out almost all the way before thrusting all the way back in making me cry out, but this time in pleasure. Eren starts a steady pace as swears start to roll off his tongue. 

     "Fuck Levi, s-so tight. You feel so good," Eren groans into my neck where he bites and sucks roughly leaving what will probably be plenty of love bites along with a few possessive ones that I feel Eren getting more feral by the minute.

      He thrusts quickly in and out hitting my prostate one time after another, making me a shrieking mess, "Ah! nng-ah _ah Eren! mnh EREN!"_  

     As I begin to meet his thrusts with my own he starts growling, "Fuck,  _fuck Levi, nng SHIT!_ Levi so fucking tight!" 

     "Faster E-Eren," I whine and he growls as he sucks on my left nipple complying to my plea as he shifts to a better angle ramming into me

     A low groan leaves his lips as he rests his head on my chest while abusing my tight hole and I can't help but whimper from the sinful sound as he lets more and more fall from his lips he grabs my painfully hard erection and begins to stroke it faster and faster until he keeps pace with himself thrusting into me. It doesn't take me long before I shout out, 

     "Eren I'm-gonna I..." 

     "It's okay, come for me Levi," Eren purrs as he kisses me slowly up and down my body

     "Ah~ _nng oh fuck Eren, EREN FUCK!"_ with one last cry I came into Eren's hand and onto my stomach, not too long after he was groaning my name in that sinful voice, milking out both our orgasms before he collapses on top of me with a grunt. 

      Neither of us want to move, so we didn't for a while until finally Eren pulls out making me whimper at the lost feeling of being filled. 

      He kisses my head before mumbling, "I know baby," into my hair then getting up tying the condom before throwing it away. He comes back a minute later with a warm cloth and wipes my tired body down cleaning me and for once I'm grateful for being pampered. Especially after that sex, it was  _amazing,_ but oh my god I'm exhausted. 

     "Fuck I'm tired, come to bed?" I ask after yawning 

     "Mhm," is all Eren says before laying down next to me cuddling up to me before placing a possessive arm around my smaller body. I'm much too tired to think, so for the first time in a while I fall into a deep sleep to the sound of Eren's steady breathing. 

 

     

 

      _It's the shadows in the corners that silently invite you to come closer willing you to fall into them._

_It's the sudden movement of a darkness out of the corner of your eye that has you whipping your head around to look for what ever it was that you saw._

_It's those moment where you wake up and cry and you don't know why you're crying, but you're crying and then you're screaming and it's just, silent, and wrong_

_Something in the back of your mind nags at you again and again_

_It shouldn't be quiet_

_It should be loud and_ _obnoxious_

_But it isn't_

_It's the feeling you get on rainy days where you watch the raindrops fall down the window and you wonder if you've cried enough to make it rain_

_Why are you crying though?_

_What are you crying for, who are you crying for? _

_When you're in public why do you feel so empty?_

_When you are alone why do you feel so empty?_

_It's the feeling you get on a sunny day when you can see how beautiful the sky is with it's puffy white clouds and bright blue skies with the birds singing cheerily, but it doesn't feel right, like it's not meant to be a perfect day._

_Like it isn't real._

_Like something is missing, someone is missing, but you shake it off, you say, it's just the trick of the eye, or a silly feeling._

_B_ _ut deep down you know._

_You know that no matter how much the sun shines and no matter how blue the sky gets and no matter how much the birds sing,_

_It doesn’t change a thing._

_Nothing is changed, he’s still dead._

_ Eren is still dead. _

 

 

 

       

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, uh, was my first smut as shitty as I think? Also! I'm very proud of myself for not giving into my nasty habit of constant line breaks, sorry about that guys, BUT THIS ONE HAS NONE!!  
> YAY ME!  
> Um, so I think I'm going to start a couple more fics and I'm kinda really excited, you guys are probably like, Jeez why don't you get your updates under control you're killing ME, but yeah sorry guys I'm pretty shitty with updating, but I think it'll get easier now that I'm out of my little funk. Also I haven't slept yet, I wrote this all yesterday into the night and now morning it's like 7:36am and I think I'm really kind of stupid, aaannyyywaaayyysss
> 
> But would you guys read other fics by me? 
> 
> I'm thinking about a superpowers AU, it's been tossing around in my mind for a while now and it's really funny cause I just saw a post on tumblr about it and I was like, I THOUGHT OF IT FIRST HEY! 
> 
> Heeeey I have a tumblr guys if you wanna go check me out, *wink wink*  
> its imjustblinkingaround182 
> 
> Again, fair warning, I'm anime trash, also very much ereri trash also, YAY!! 
> 
> Also, cliff hanger? That's so uncool of me sorry guys (;


	6. The End Of The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was almost going to update on time, but then I got racked with writers block, sorry guys. But here, have this, don't hate me guys...

 

     _Eren_ _is still dead_

 

    "Levi," a soft voice pulls at me through my nightmare, I mean, that's what it is isn't it? A nightmare, "Levi wake up," sturdy hands hold my shoulders shaking them slightly, "It's just a dream, Levi," the shaking gets quicker until my eyes shoot open and I'm throwing my arms around a startled Eren. He collects himself quickly putting his arms around me protectively. I hide my face in the crook of his neck, breathing erratic, heart pounding. A few stray tears finding their way down his collar bones. I hold onto him like I'm not sure whether he's actually here or not. He runs his hands through my matted sweaty hair while mumbling reassuring things into my ear. My nightmares have no mercy, they come for me every night, each one just as worse as the last. You'd think I'd be used to them by now, but they have a way of twisting things in new directions every night. Now they've brought Eren into them which might be the scariest thing yet. 

    But it was just a dream. He's not...not  _gone_ , he's right here. In front of me, holding me just as tightly as I hold him as if he believes I'm going to disappear just as much as I believe he will. He won't though, something tells me he's going to be here for a long time. At least, I hope he will. He seems to want to be. 

    When I feel confident that I'm not going to break down again I pull away from him just enough to look into those eyes that pulled me away from the edge. Caribbean blue swirls with emerald green, they hold concern and helplessness. As if he wants to help, but he knows he can't. He searches my own eyes as if the answer to my problems might be there. It's not. There really isn't an answer to depression, just a fight, a battle between my happiness and my sadness. 

    If only he knew the real reason I am able to get out of bed in the morning is _him_. He gives me something worth getting up to, knowing there is most likely going to be  a morning text waiting on my phone and that I'll probably see him at some point during the day. That's enough. For me at least, it doesn't mean that I don't have moments during the day where I feel like complete and utter shit. But seeing his smile that shows his pointy left canine, and carries that light to his eyes that crinkle slightly. He makes living more enticing. It's not okay though, I really shouldn't depend solely on Eren for my happiness. I should be able to find my own happiness in myself, but I just can't seem to find it yet. Maybe I will someday, but right about now Ocean Eyes keeps me sane. 

    Eren brings his hand up the cup my cheek and runs his thumb across my lips, "So soft," he whispers looking at my lips tenderly with soft eyes, he sighs softly and I watch him waiting to see if he's going to speak, when he doesn't I decide to.

    "What are you thinking about?" I ask him in a quiet voice, not a strong as a whisper more softer as I watch his eyes tear away from my lips reluctantly to look me in the eyes. He wets his own lips, pink tongue swiping across before he speaks

    "I just wish I could help more, you have these nightmares a lot, don't you?" he asks and I nod my head slowly. He averts his eyes looking down between us, "You never tell me what they're about," he sighs sadly. 

    He really wants to know what my demons twist my unconscious thoughts into? No one has really asked about my nightmares before, when I roomed with Erwin he never mentioned it, either he didn't notice or didn't feel comfortable asking. Why the fuck not I don't know, we used to be so close, we were best friends Hanji, Erwin and I. After Hanji disappeared I think we sorta cracked without her and Erwin and I are still a little broken. 

    I reach out and pull his chin up with my fingers to make him face me before speaking, "What do you want to know?" I ask

    He thinks a minute forming his question carefully, "What was this one about?" when I pull away from him and climb off the bed away from him he doesn't make a move to stop me, he just watches me go, the look on his face makes my heart ache so I look away. My eyes travel over his roommate Armin's books all over his desk. Most are school related, some are classical fiction and a few poetry. A quiet, "I'm sorry," has me interrupting him

    "No. Don't do that." I snap and he quiets immediately. I refuse to look at his face, instead I drag my hands across my face with a groan biting back the apology that threatens to pour out of my mouth. I don't want to hurt him, but this nightmare fucked me up. It has me twisted inside at the very thought that I could lose Eren like that. I breathe deeply in and out, I don't dare face him, I don't think I'd be able to say what he wants me to say if I was looking at those big puppy dog eyes. 

    "You died," I begin, "You were dead and I was broken and nothing was right in the world, nothing in my world was right. Everyone else went on, the earth kept spinning, but I felt lost. At first I didn't know what was wrong. I just knew something was terribly wrong, something was missing,  _someone_ was missing," I finally turn around to look at him, " _You_ were missing, Eren. You were gone and everything was useless and awful and nothing else mattered. I couldn't change a thing," I felt tears fill my eyes and I choked back a sob, but I pushed out my palm to stop Eren from coming towards me. I needed to finish my thought. "I couldn't  _fix it._ I couldn't fix it, there was nothing I could do, Eren. You were...you were  _gone_ ," my hands flew to my mouth as I looked at him through my tears. I don't remember a time when I ever cried this much. I don't think I've ever had a reason to. I've never had something to lose, I've never had someone that I could lose. His eyes pleaded at me begging me to let him touch me and I barely nodded my head once before I was engulfed in Eren. 

    Lilacs fill my nose, and without thinking I said what's running through my mind through sniffles, "Why do you always smell like lilacs?" 

    Eren's chest rumbles and I realize he's chuckling, he kisses the top of my head, "Detergent," he says into my hair. 

    

    After I've calmed down for the second time tonight Eren says he needs a cigarette, after putting on a pair of Eren's sweatpants which are terribly too large and one of his sweatshirts (which isn't any better) Eren and I walk down the hall and up the stairs to the roof. Once we're outside I lean against the brick ledge while I watch Eren. He pulls out a cigarette from his pack then puts it between his lip as he pulls out his lighter. With the cigarette in his lips it causes his bottom lip to pout and it's kind of ridiculously cute. Once he has his lighter he covers the cigarette end with his hands trying to keep the wind from extinguishing the flame before he can light it. Once lit he puts the lighter back into his pocket and takes a drag. His gaze returns to me as he stands a few feet away knowing my disagreement with his habit, but I can't seem to let him be so far away. 

    "Come here shithead," I say and he quirks his head to the side like a goddamn puppy and I really just want to smack him for being so cute. He's a six foot tall nicotine addicted puppy. He doesn't argue as I throw him a glare for standing there for a moment staring at me. He walks over taking the cigarette out of his mouth instead holding it between his middle finger and pointer, he blows the remaining smoke out of his mouth before coming to stand next to me. 

    "I thought you didn't want to be near me when I smoke," he raises an eyebrow at me as he holds the cancer in a stick away from me as much as he can. He holds it by his side that I'm not on by his hip with his hand bent at the wrist to keep the ashes from burning him. I find it cute that he's trying to make it so I don't have to smell it. 

    I look away from him instead looking out across the campus, the sky seems like it's slowly getting lighter and I wonder what time it is. I watch two students stagger into a dorm building across the way obviously drunk as hell. 

    "I just want to be near you so shut up," I mumble and try to ignore the grin plastered on Eren's face.

    "You're cute when you're flustered," his low voice says next to my ear before kissing my neck tantalizingly slow, soft whimpers fall through my lips before I can stop them and I push him away with a growl obviously embarrassed. 

    "Fuck off and finish your cigarette so we can go back to bed." 

    "Yes princess," he smirks. 

 

 

    I wake up to an empty bed and I'm nervous for a second until I hear the shower running. I rub the sleep out of my eyes allowing myself a moment to wake up before sitting up. I'm still in Eren's sweatshirt, but I took of the sweatpants before going back to bed last night. Now that I have a chance to look at the sweatshirt it looks like a high school football team sweatshirt. It has Shinganshina High Football across the front, I'm not sure what's on the back, but I'm guessing it says Jaeger and some sort of number. On the right sleeve over where someone who fits in the jacket's bicep would be is the number seventeen and under it his last name. So it is a football team sweatshirt. 

    My head perks up at the noise of the bathroom door opening, Eren walks out with a towel wrapped around his waist. He has water dripping down the ends of a few locks of his brown hair that falls messily even while wet, the water drips down onto his body then runs down his chest and he looks absolutely mesmerizing. 

    He smiles warmly at me, "Morning beautiful." 

    I look down at the sleeves that cover my hands trying to ignore the pink dusting my cheeks. How does he do that to me? 

    "Morning," I look back up dismissing my blush, "You played football in high school?" 

    The dorm door shuts and my head snaps to an unfazed Armin, " _Played_ ," he shakes his head walking towards his desk, "the guy  _was_ football in high school. Couldn't get his damn head off football long enough to hold a normal conversation, ' _I'm the quarterback Armin I can't talk about physics right now'_ or  _'Armin I'm busy right now making plays'_ it was like he thought he was in the NFL. He thought he was Tom Brady for Christ sake. ' _Tom Brady is the_ -'" Eren crosses the room faster than I can even blink an eye slapping his hand over Armin's mouth while the boy struggles under his hold.

    "Nope, there will be no more of that. I think you have other places to be don't you?" Eren speaks evenly before letting the boy go. 

    Armin grabs a book off his desk before sending me a devilish grin as he walks to the door, "' _Tom Brady is the hottest hunk of meat, I'd suck him_ _any day!'"_  the door slams behind Armin leaving a growling Eren and me laughing my ass off in his bed. 

    I don't think I've ever laughed this hard, I'm hunched over holding my stomach, "Ow ow, oh my g-god, it hurts ahha f-fuck," Eren stares at me incredulously having never heard me laugh so much, "Y-you wanted to suck off Tom Brady th-that's b-beautiful ah ha hah, fuck-" I'm cut off abruptly when my hands are locked above my head and Eren is hovering over me with a dangerous look in his eyes.

    "Not. Fucking. Funny," he growls lowly and I can't fight the grin that spreads across my lips

    "So fucking funn-" I'm interrupted by Eren's lips as he crashes them onto my own roughly, he switches my hands into one of his own while the other travels down my clothed chest, I kiss him back with just as much force, his hand finds it's way into my boxers grabbing my dick and I gasp into the kiss. He wraps his hand around my dick and begins to stroke slowly at first drawing small sounds out of me, then getting faster making me a moaning mess under him and right before I feel I'm going to go over the edge his hand ceases it's motions and leaves my boxers entirely. 

    I don't realize he's not on top of me anymore until I hear drawers opening next to the bed, breathing heavily I turn my head as he puts boxers then dark jeans. I whine as he whips a white t shirt over his head only then does he look over at me. 

    With a smirk on his face he chides, "Aw what's the matter princess, did you want something?" 

    Once my breathing is under control I hiss, "I fucking hate you." 

 

* * *

 

 

    It's been a little over a month since our first date and Eren and I are undoubtedly closer than ever. We've motioned into a pattern, we go to our classes during the day, depending on what times our classes are that day depends on who gets the coffee, then we meet at my dorm or Eren beats me there when his classes let out before mine, we work on our homework while drinking our coffees and later during the night clothes are lost and sex is had. We never really made it said that we are dating, but neither of us really thought it was necessary to. Armin likes it a lot better now that we come to my dorm room, he didn't seem to like the idea of having to sleep in Jean's dorm room with Greyson who apparently talks in his sleep loudly. Eren's friends welcomed me with wide arms and gay smiles. No joke, Eren has like two straight friends. The only one who threatened me,  _thoroughly_ , was Eren's sister Mikasa who is quite the protective sister. She didn't faze me though, I thought it was endearing that she cares so much. 

    Eren has a lot of friends, and I mean  _a lot_ of friends. The names that were thrown at me were quite a lot to remember, I'm getting the hang of it though. They always seem to find me on campus and flag me down to walk and talk with me. I don't know why they all seem to like me so much, but they do and it feels really good knowing I never really have a moment to myself. It might seem like a bad thing to others, but to me a moment with my own thoughts could lead to a drastic mood change. I never seem to be alone now though, they're even in my classes for Christ's sake and it's actually  _perfect._ Eren and Jean help me with my Chemistry which I happen to be awful at and I help Greyson and Marco with their literature or writing. I've taken a liking to those two, Marco is shy and sweet and literally a sugar pie. Greyson has the energy of Hanji, but is less maniacal and more sweet. He's really nice and is in Jean's band, he plays guitar. 

    Jean has the  _gayest band,_ literally, they are all gay. Jax, the one who told me about Eren's liking me and pretty much pushed us together, is the drummer and is crazier than Hanji (fucking insane, the kid jumps off fucking walls, not even four eyes is that crazy) then there's Ollie, who plays the bass, he's pretty quiet, but when he does talk it's either extremely hilarious or a little sad. There's no in-between with him. Then Greyson and Jean who sings and plays guitar. They're actually really good and I can say I was really surprised at how good they were. I was expecting some shitty alternative garbage, but  _no_ they're not half bad. And when I say not half bad, I mean their gigs are always packed with people, along with these three girls that are always there, screaming, ogling. Someone should really tell the poor girls they're gay as hell. 

    Ever since Hanji has left the hospital she's taken her rightful place as my mother hen. When I'm not surrounded by Eren's friends (which is hardly ever) I'm surrounded by Hanji, but I'm surrounded by her anyways because when she isn't seeing me she's  _texting me_. Good lord the woman doesn't leave me alone. I guess I wouldn't either after being gone a month and coming back to a suicidal and cheating asshole that used to be your best friends. Speaking of Erwin we still aren't on the best of terms and I don't know if we ever will be. What he let go on in our dorm room for a month was not the Erwin I've known for nine years. I don't know who he's become, but Hanji wants to fix what I'm starting to think is too broken to even try. I don't know what snapped inside of him, but something cracked inside of him and he isn't who we knew him to be. It's really kind of fucked up, but we try to stay away from fucked up thoughts and so Erwin isn't usually in our conversations much. 

    On a lighter note Mike is doing really well with his aims to be a police officer. He's been apprenticing for a while now in the station, but they've begun to send him out with an officer as a shadow and he's really happy about it. I'm glad for him, but a little worried about Hanji. She worries about him, about him getting hurt. Mike is not only strong, but he's intelligent. I think he'll be just fine, but I understand Hanji's anxiety about her boyfriend's wellbeing when he's out in the field. 

    As for my other friends, Petra is doing much better with Hanji home safe and sound. Gunther and Erd are dating and seem to be really perfect for each other. Erd deserves better than Erwin that's for sure. 

    Hanji seems to think her and Eren are best friends now, if she's not texting me, she's texting him. Since the moment she met him she's loved him, not only because he makes me happy, but because she can see the physical _change_ he's brought into my life. Sometimes when we're laying on my bed reading or on our computers she'll turn to be and say "You're different," quietly, (I know, Hanji quiet?) but she'll have this soft smile on and I'll just grunt at her in response, but we both know it's true. I  _am_ different. But it's a good different. I'm not as edgy as I was, I think I can say I'm more relaxed. That doesn't mean my foul mouth has gone anywhere or my snappy remarks, but I'm not really all that  _depressed._ I still have my moments, but I don't self loath, I'm starting to not second guess myself. 

     _I actually like me._

    I can finally say that I like myself. I'm okay with me, I'm okay that I have depression and that I have scars that aren't necessarily pretty. I don't mind the way my hair parts down the middle. I like my hair, it's really soft. Instead of nit picking at myself, I find myself looking at the things I used to hate with a different light. Yes, I have depression, but no I'm not going to let it rule me. Depression isn't something to be feared. Maybe I can be sad sometimes, but it doesn't last forever, it will pass. And It has taken me  _years_ to understand that. Depression is something I'll always have, and although I can't control when my mood falters, I  _can_ tell myself that it won't stay like this forever. The feeling like your world is ending when really it's just beginning. 

   I can't cure my depression, but I  _can_ live with it. 

  

 

   10:00pm finds me at Bar Rose watching The Titans with Eren by my side at the bar. Jean has been taking suggestions for an hour now and my head perks up when that familiar guitar line starts.

    " _Do you have the time,_

_to listen to me whine,_

_about nothing any everything all at once,_

_I am one of those, melodramatic fools,_

_neurotic to the bone no doubt about it,"_

Jax starts in with soft taps to the high hat.

     _"Sometimes I give myself the creeps,_

_sometimes my mind plays tricks on me,_

_it all keeps adding up,_

_I think I'm cracking up,_

_am I just paranoid,_

_or am I just stoned?"_

Eren has been singing softly I just notice now and it's ridiculously cute, because he's a little drunk and slurring his words a little, but he continues singing anyways. When he turns his head to look at me while he sings I brush the hair that's fallen in his eyes back.  _He's so beautiful_. Even drunk he's still gorgeous. His cheeks are a little red from the alcohol and his lips swollen from our shameless make out in the bathroom two minutes ago. I have no regrets. I may have drank a little too. Even though I was supposed to be the designated driver for the both of us. Eren drive us here, I was gonna drive us back. Eh, we'll take a cab. It was kinda shitty of me, but I already did it so there's no use in whining about it. As the song ends another starts just as soon. Another familiar one at that.

     _"I can't get my feet off the edge,_

_I kinda like that little rush you get, when you're standing close to death,_

_like when you're driving me crazy,_

_hold on as we're crashing to the earth,_

_a bit of pain will help you suffer when you're hurt, for real,_

_cause you are driving me crazy,_

_bite your lips, your words, a robbery,_

_do you grin inside?_

_you're killing me,_

_all along we talked of forever,_

_I_ _kind of think that we won't get better,_

_it's the longest start, but the end's not too far away,_

_did you know, I'm here to stay."_

    As Jean begins the chorus Eren stands up abruptly and I steady him before he speaks, "I gotta pee," he giggles like a little kid that hasn't had three cigarettes tonight and three beers and two tequilas. 

    "Are you gonna be okay?" I ask

    "Yep, m'fine baby," he kisses my cheek and that he doesn't miss calms me a bit. He'll be fine. I watch him walk down the hall and enter the bathroom only taking my eyes away once he's gone. I take a sip of beer unaware of the presence walking up behind me. 

    A sickly sweet voice hums into my ear, "Who's the new toy,  _Daddy?_ " a shudder passes trough me as she giggles and sits next to me. Only three people called me that nickname and those are three people I've never wanted to ever see again. But here she is. Hitch sits next to me with her short messy dirty blond hair around her face as she props her chin on her folded hands as she leans her elbows on he bar. I don't even dare to look at what she's wearing, knowing that's just what she wants is for me to run my eyes over her undoubtedly bare skin. She smiles at me and I fight I grimace, "You really didn't think you could hide forever did you? We were gonna find you eventually. Daddy we want you back, come back to us, we miss you." 

    "Bullshit Hitch, you don't fucking miss me, you miss my sex and the other two miss my money. Go fuck yourself and get the hell away from me." I seethe 

    "Oh honey, I'm not going anywhere. Who's that?" she points to the bathroom door, when I don't answer she pries on, "He must be important for you to have your lips all over him. Looking at him with sappy lovey dovey eyes. I'm surprised really. You've lost your touch, Levi." she smiles as though she's not trying to ruin me

    "Hitch I will call the police, I'm going to go ahead and assume you three are on a most wanted list?" she frowns at me and I continue, "Right, so if you don't want to be a federal prison for the rest of your lives I suggest you stay the fuck away from me and him. If you even dare to go near him I  _will_ have police on your asses," the look I give her is nothing if not feral 

    "What's the fun in bringing the police into this, daddy," she looks to the side smiling turning back to me and then she's crashing her lips on to my own. I shove her away roughly causing her back to crack against the bar from the force of it, but my attention isn't on her. 

    My eyes are locked with Eren's. He saw the whole thing, she  _wanted_ him to. I can see it in his eyes, as they fill with drunken tears I've  _broken_ him. When he rushes to the door I'm right behind him on his heels calling his name. It's a race to his car and he opens the door only to have me slam it closed. The yelling starts. 

    "Eren please just listen," he refuses to look at me so I put my hand tentatively on his shoulder only to have it shoved away. 

    "Don't you  _dare_ fucking touch me," he growls at me and I'm frozen, I've never had his anger aimed towards me, "Who the fuck was she? What the fuck was she doing with her trashy lips on you? You like hookers now Levi?" the way he says my name is enough to crack me in half. There's nothing in it, just anger, he used my name in anger and I think I've cracked in two as I open and close my mouth before I can finally speak. 

    "She's  _no one,_ Eren! I don't want her! Sh-she forced herself onto me! Didn't you see me throw her against the bar?" I plead as tears fill my own eyes he only shakes his head as he begins to chuckle darkly. He's  _laughing_ at me. 

    "You know, I fucking, I fucing l- you know what, fuck it. Fuck this, fuck  _us_ ," he throws open the door as I begin to cry before a thought crashes through my mind. Eren is too drunk to drive. Way too drunk.

    I pull at his arm only to be shoved to the ground where I'm not able to shout at him because a familiar voice beats me to it.

    "Eren what the fuck!?" Jean comes running over "I've watched you drinking, give me your fucking keys there is no way you are driving right now!" Jean helps me up and Eren watches in rage as I hold onto his arm for support. It's not that I'm hurt, more so my heart feeling like someone has stabbed it with a harpoon and I really feel it in physical pain. Eren slams the door closed and Jean's is widen as Eren peals out of the parking lot and down the road. 

    Jean turns to me and holds my face, "Jesus Christ Levi what the fuck just happened?" he asks in a softer voice Greyson comes running out of the bar followed closely by Ollie and Jax.

    "What happened?" Greyson takes one look at me before he throws his arms around me. 

    "Where's Eren?" Jax asks looking at Jean concerned

    "Ollie can you tell the manager we're done for the night?" Ollie nods and runs back into the bar, "The fucker got in his car and drove away," Jean practically shouts at the ground.

    "He was drunk off his ass and you let him get in a car?!" Jax shouts at Jean

    "Let him? He threw Levi on the ground! He didn't listen to me, he slammed the door in my face and left. I gotta- I gotta go find him. Fuck, what if he- nope. I need to go. Please stay with Levi, the both of you." he finalizes taking his car keys out of his pocket

    "Jean, are you okay to drive?" Greyson says in a quiet voice

    "Yes, I'll be okay. I just- I have to go after him. He could get himself killed for fucks sake. I have to go. I'm gonna bring him home, Levi. It'll be okay." Jean says to me before running off to his car and leaving the same direction Eren did. 

    It was  _not_ going to be okay. I knew this already, I could feel it, something was terribly wrong. Fuck Eren what did you do? What did I do? What did  _she_ do? 

    I always knew my past was going to come back to bite me in the ass one day, but I never fathomed it on this level. 

    My phone was ringing and I pulled away from Greyson enough to answer it, it was Jean.

     _Oh no._

    " _Levi, I found Eren. He hit a tree, I called an ambulance, he isn't moving, but he's breathing. I'm so sorry."_

    A sob racked my body and Greyson caught me before I could fall to my knees. I had dropped my phone in the process and Jax picked it up only to start crying after talking to Jean. Somehow Greyson understood or he heard while I heard, but he was the only one standing strong between the three of us. 

    My lungs felt like they were on fire as I tried to breathe, my eyes were gushing tears that fell down my cheeks onto Greyson's shirt. He wasn't crying, how is he not crying? Jax is losing his shit on the phone with Jean in a cross between sobbing and shouting angry remarks about Eren's stupidity.

    It wasn't Eren's stupidity. 

    It was mine when I thought I could run from my past. 

    I can't run.

    They found me. 

 

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well fuck. I'm sorry, I really am, just stay with me guys okay? Don't run off, I hate sad endings guys, and my fic is FAR from over. 
> 
> Just don't kill me okay guys? 
> 
> Muah *Hugs for everyone*


	7. Criminals Are Caught And Light Is Brought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't leave it there my heart hurt too much. Don't give up on me guys! It's got to get bad before it can get better shh don't worry

 

    I don't know how I got here, but apparently through my sobbing I was put in Greyson's car and brought to Maria General, and now I'm the ICU waiting room. Jean is sat next to me with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. On my other side Greyson holds my hand, he's yet to break down and I'm starting to worry if he ever will. I don't know much about his past, but the sweet, hyper, loving kid has a hard mask on that I don't think I could have ever wished to accomplish. Ollie is sat next to Jean with his knees brought up to his chest in the chair, his face has dried tears that were never wiped away. Jax is next to Greyson and his knees haven't stopped bouncing since he's sat down. 

    I don't know how long it's been, it's felt like hours, but a man in a white coat comes walking down the hall towards us. His face is unreadable, I think it's something you have to master in med school to be perfectly honest. He looks at the five of us before speaking. 

    "Are you friends of Mr. Jaeger?" he asks and Jean shoots up out of his chair

    "How is he? Where is he? I need to see him, is he okay?" Jean fires off questions at the man until he has to put his hands on his shoulders to calm him.

    "He's stable. He hasn't woken yet, we think he may be in a coma. He wasn't wearing his seatbelt and the blunt force from the car hitting the tree rocked him quite a bit. I'm sorry to say I can only allow immediate family in to see him right now," he says solemnly

    "No no, I'm _going_ in to see him,  _we_ are _going_ in to see him. He's my best-" 

    The doctor interrupts him, "I'm sorry sir I really can-" 

    "I'M HIS BROTHER, HIS MOM IS DEAD, HIS DAD ONLY PAYS FOR THE HOUSE AND MIKASA IN ON HER WAY. NOW YOU WILL LET US IN TO SEE MY BEST FRIEND OR I WILL LET MYSELF IN. IF YOU DARE CALL SECURITY I WILL HAVE MY FATHER HERE IN THREE MINUTES," the doctors balks in response before Jean continues,  "I DON'T THINK YOU REALIZE WHO I AM. I AM JEAN KIRSTEIN AND IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR JOB I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU LET US INTO HIS ROOM," Jean's outburst causes heads to turn in the waiting room

    The doctor's face pales at the mention of his last name. Jean's dad pretty much own everything in this town, so it's true, his dad can do whatever he wants, including having this man fired. He points to me over Jean's shoulder, "I'm sorry I didn't recognize you Jean, but who's he?" 

    Jean doesn't even look at me when he begins to shout again, "THAT'S HIS BOYFRIEND NOW GET OUT OF MY WAY BEFORE I PUSH YOU OUT OF IT!" the doctor hurries out of his way and Jean walks down the hall followed closely by Jax then Ollie then Greyson and I with Greyson holding onto my arm. 

 

    I stop outside his door, Jean, Jax and Ollie have already walked in, but my body jolts to a stop surprising Greyson. He looks at me before speaking.

    "It's okay to be afraid, Levi. I'm afraid too. The doctor said he's stable, Eren's strong he'll get out of this and you kno-"

    The words tumble out of my mouth without thought, "It's my fault, it's all my fault." 

    "This is  _not_ your fault," Greyson's voice is hard and rough, unusual for the blond, "You did not tell him to get in the car, you tried to  _stop_ him. It was his decision to drive when he knew he shouldn't. Levi this is not your fault." 

    I can only nod my head weakly before stepping into the hospital room. It's white, everything is so white, the walls, the floor, the curtain separating the room. Jean is sat in the chair next to Eren's bed. Jax and Ollie hovering close. 

    The bed is situated in a flat position, Eren's laid down with his head on what seems to be an uncomfortably stiff pillow. I cringe looking at his once beautiful face, his lip is split and he has some scratches across his cheeks, maybe from glass from the windshield. He has a white sheet covering his also white hospital gown. His features are relaxed, his lips slightly agape as he sighs. My mind flashes back to his clenched jaw as he yelled at me in the parking lot. I have to close my eyes to fight the image away. 

    I walk closer forcing my feet to move from their spot. Jean looks up at me as though he didn't even know I was in the room, I can't even image where his mind is. I tentatively sit on the bed, too afraid to touch Eren as if he might shatter. I bring my hand up to caress his face only to drop my hand back to my lap. I pretend not to notice Ollie's face fall from my actions. They all know how much we love-  _love_ \- we _love_ each other...we haven't even said it yet. What if I never get to? What if I never get the chance to tell him how much I love him. My thoughts are interrupted when Mikasa rushes into the room only to stop a foot away fro Eren's bed to close her hands over her mouth. Tears fall down her face as she begins to mumble incoherent words.

    "Wh-what happened?" she hiccups, "He was f-fine this morning what happened?" she plead at Jean before her gaze set on me and she ran towards me. I was prepared to be hit, but instead she throws her arms around me, something I've only seen her do to Eren. 

     _I don't deserve these people._

    I'm shocked, I don't know what to do, I think Jean's is speaking, but he never got an explanation either so how could he know? Her black hair tickles my neck from where she's strewn over my back with her arms around me haphazardly. She has her face in the back of my shoulder refusing to look at Eren. I wish I _could_ look away instead I can only stare at the man I love who may never wake up again. 

     _Because of me_  

    "Well apparently hospital rules don't mean anything to you people!" I hear the doctor shout from the hallway as Armin and Hanji enter the room. Armin's usual snarky demeanor is instead met with silent tears rolling down his face. Hanji has her left hand brought to her mouth in a fist and her glasses are pushed on the top of her head. 

    The silence in the air is something I'll never forget. 

 

    Apparently we broke the other doctor's med school patience so another one came in the kindly tell us that visiting hours were sadly over, but that we could come back the next day at- I stopped listening. 

    I don't want to leave him. 

    I can't leave him here. 

    As everyone starts to pack up their things that were strewn around the room in the silent hours we've been here I don't move. I refuse to move. I won't leave him here like this. I  _can't_ leave him. I don't want to leave, I want to stay here with my boyfriend. I want to- I want to be here if he wakes up... _if..._

    As I stare at Eren's unresponsive face I'm not aware that Hanji and I are the only ones left in the room. I'm not listening to her reassuring the doctor. I'm only watching Eren breath in and out too afraid to touch him. Hanji puts a hand on my shoulder and I know what's coming.

    "I don't wan to leave him here," I say quietly. 

    "I know," she starts, "but there isn't anything you can do right now, Levi. Let him sleep, let him get better. We'll come back tomorrow morning. He isn't gone. He just isn't awake. Please come with me, I'll take you back to my dorm, you don't have to be alone tonight," she rubs my back coaxing me to stand up and I do eventually, albeit reluctantly. 

    She walks me out of the room and I don't look away from his face until we're in the hallway.

   

    The drive home is quiet, Hanji knows all too well what the silence is. 

     _The calm before the storm._

     Once inside Hanji's dorm room I find it safe to fall apart. The tears come like a hurricane and my thoughts betray me in verbal sentences. We're sat on her bed as she hushes me with sweet words and brushes my tears away. Hanji has been the only one to see me so broken other than Eren, she was always there, she never told anyone that the infamous Levi Ackerman is a broken, crying mess when upset. She never bat an eye or thought any less, because she's  _Hanji_ , she's my best friend. She's kept me alive way past my expiration date. So it's only fitting to be with Hanji in what might just be the worst time in my entire life. 

    I've run six miles with two bullets in my side, fought off seven men twice my size at once, run from barricades of police, and beat the shit out of two rapists who came at me when I was only eleven years old. But nothing,  _nothing,_ can compare to what I'm feeling now. 

    It's like giving someone a life jacket that they've never had before, having lived their whole life treading water only to find out the life jacket is filled with rocks. 

    It's so unbearable cruel, taking Eren from me, Eren, who pulled me off the edge of a goddamn bridge railing,  _because he wanted to_ , _because he cared, about a stranger._

    Eren, who may have shit for lungs, but a planet for a heart. A puppy for a soul. The guy is ready to throw a Molotov cocktail at anything that might hurt those he cares for, those he  _loves_. He's fire first, then water. Thinking only after his friends are safe. Breathing only after I'm calm...

    "You speak of him as if he's dead," Hanji murmurs in my ear

    "Have I been speaking this whole time?" my mouth falls open, _she heard everything?_   

    "Mostly, I thought it better to let you." 

    I pull away from Hanji slightly, I don't feel any better, I didn't expect to. None of us are going to feel any better until he's awake. I feel gross, the alcohol has worn off hours ago and left me with a sickly sweaty feeling. I get up from her bed only to mumble,

    "I'm taking a shower." 

    she doesn't say anything instead letting me go.

 

**Hanji**

 

   When Levi leaves me to take a shower I don't object, I just watch him walk into the bathroom. I've seen him at his worst, but this, this is an all new low, something I'm afraid only Eren can fix. I really hope Eren  _can_ fix this. He has to wake up to. Levi's shoulders are hunched, something only I would catch, his usual posture is something to be envious of, but now he walks as if he's not sure these steps are his last. Levi has never gone down without a fight, never given up when there was time to win. His strength was something to marvel at, now it seems to have deteriorated in my absence. Something I'd never thought about was how much he depended on me. How much I actually meant. Knowing Levi all these years has not been without it's struggles. 

    He's rough, he  _does_ bite, he snaps a lot, but he doesn't necessarily mean what he says. He just isn't usually so outwardly expressive. 

    But Eren has  _changed_ him. He's softened his edges and shown him love where others haven't. Levi's past is something to run from and he has, but Eren makes it seem as if it never mattered. As if all that mattered was that he was with Levi. Some how between his sobbing I was told what happened. How  _Hitch_ decided to make her slutty reappearance. Right now Levi can't worry about  _them._

_But I can._

    It seems as though even if our own world may be falling, the earth still spins. The floor above us still blasts their Friday night music, although our own floor is silent. I pretend not to hear Levi's scream as it blends with the music. It's not a scream as if he's hurt, it's a scream that can no longer be held in. One that has sadness, frustration, desperation, and anger all molded together. He knows there is nothing he can do, he knows his tears are wasted when his boyfriend is unaware of them. But some times, when you can no longer reason whether to breathe or cry, you scream. You scream then cry then breathe then scream and it's broken and scary to those around you, but you don't care. Levi doesn't care who hears him right now, he's just  _feeling,_ something that people with Bipolar tend to do a lot of. I've known for years of his condition. Talked to doctors, specialists, people he won't go see. Maybe one day Eren will get him to. He's never listened to me though. But Eren has gotten him to do many things I could never accomplish. 

    When Levi returns to my bed there is nothing to say, there's no words to express. No useful ones at that. He climbs into bed next to me and curls into my side as though he isn't my tough ex gang member best friend, no, right now he's broken and needs my comfort. 

    

    That night is spent in intervals of me waking Levi out of his nightmares and falling back to sleep together after he's calmed down. 

    He calls for Eren in his sleep, tells him to come home, to not get in the car. My own heart breaks at his broken pleas that go unanswered. I can't wake him up fast enough to dull the pain. I know his nightmares are ridden with Eren and I know there's nothing I can do to help. 

    So instead I stay by his side until the day he'll push me away. 

* * *

 

    It's been a few days, Eren's condition hasn't changed therefore Levi hasn't left my bed. At all. He's missed his classes, as have all of Eren's friends. They've been staying close together, Levi's been denying their invitations to come be with them. Instead he stays in my bed all day staring at the wall. He hasn't slept much, with his nightmares I wouldn't want to sleep either. After seeing him like this these past couple days I've had enough. It's easy to steal his phone without his awareness and just as easy to find  _their_ blocked numbers. 

    I set up a meeting posing as Levi, tell them some bullshit short excuse about how he'll come back playing with Hitch's stupid horny heart.

**To Blocked Number 1:25pm : I'm coming back, this isn't worth it, but only for you.**

   I have to suppress a sound of disgust at her response 

**Blocked Number 1:33pm : I knew you couldn't stay away from this pussy. Where do you want to meet?**

Little does she know I have quite the surprise waiting for her and her friends when they show up to meet 'Levi' at the old ice cream store across town. After talking to Mike he thought a great way to start out on the police force would be by catching three idiots that have been on the most wanted list for years. Always escaping, never being successfully caught. 

 

 

    When the meeting time rolls around I make sure they get there first put them on edge. Levi is never late, if there distracted they won't be at their best. When I walk out of the shadows with a protective Mike standing behind me they stare at me confusedly. 

    "I'd say stay the hell away from Levi, but I think you'll have no trouble with that once you're holed up in Federal prison for the rest of your lives. What are their crimes, Mike?" I have a devilish smirk on my face and I might be enjoying this way too much.

    Mike replies sarcastically as they start to look around everywhere panicking, "Oh only countless cases of breaking and entering, burglary, a few manslaughter cases, the abuse an battery of a police officer, six actually, possession, refuse of arrest, should I continue?" he asks me

    "No, I think that's good," I say as spot lights shine down on the trio from every angle. Special armed and vested forces come out of hiding from every angle surrounding them completely with guns aimed at them. 

    "You'll never get away with this!" the shorter girl with pig tails shouts at me

    "You see, the thing is, I already  _have."_ Mike backs me away as policemen push us behind them and they begin to shout commands at the three criminals. 

    They will never be able to come back into Levi's life again, no matter how hard they try, solitary confinement isn't a force to be reckoned with. I think they'll look wonderful in orange. 

    "You're amazing," Mike kisses me and hugs me tightly. 

    "Oh I know," I hold him just as close. 

* * *

 

 

**Levi**

   It's been a week and I'm starting to worry, after I found out what Hanji had done it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The thought of never having to worry about them finding me ever again is a concept I'm still learning. I'm sat next to Eren's hospital bed with a book in my hands, I've begun to spend most of my time at the hospital along with Mikasa. We practically live here along with frequent Armin visits. Mikasa has gone to the cafeteria when one of Eren's machines starts to make a quicker beating sound.

    "What is tha-" I start sitting up to look at the machine but I'm startled by the sight before me

    "Levi?" Eren looks at me pushing away the hospital sheet, his clear ocean eyes watch me carefully as I remember to breathe before attacking him where he sits. I don't care that he's probably sore, I don't care that he just woke up from a fucking coma and is probably in need of something I don't know! I don't care! I'm in his lap with my arms around him crying softly in the crook of his neck. 

    With his arms around me he sniffles into my shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Levi. I'm here, I'm right here." 

    And he is. He's awake. Our argument seems to be lightyears away, instead we are here, his arms around me and myself encased in them. Right where I should be. 

    "Oh god, I missed you so much," he mumbles running his fingers through my hair. 

     _I missed you too Ocean Eyes._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's that?


	8. Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY IT'S BEEN A MONTH PLEASE DON'T HATE ME GUYS!
> 
> I've had the worst case of writers block I've ever encountered and shit hit the fan after my nana broke her arm and concerts and holy shit I'm so sorry it's been so long!!
> 
> THANK GOD I am over my writers block and going crazy writing stuff!!
> 
> Here, have this happy chapter because I am a horrible person and kept you waiting so long
> 
> Please forgive me babies? Summertime chapters are coming, please stay?

 

    I run my hands over his face moving them down his jaw to his neck, then shoulders, my eyes scanning everywhere. I don't notice I'm crying until his soft fingers are brushing my tears away, I don't stop my search for any injuries I may have caused. I'm forced to though when he holds my face between his hands looking at me intensely with those piercing silver eyes of his. They question me,  speaking louder than his words will ever be able to. So I explain my searching as I drop my eyes, unable to look at his own when I remember what I did.

    "I pushed you, no, I  _shoved_ you to the ground. You were upset already and I physically hurt you," more tears spill from my eyes, "I-I told you I'd take care of you, I didn't take care of you that night. You were crying and begging me not to get in my car after I'd drank so much and I ignored you, and threw you away from me. You were only trying to help me," I dare a glance at him to find those thin eyebrows scrunched together as his lips that I want nothing more than to touch with my own are pursed in a small frown. His eyes watch my own carefully as I open my mouth to speak again, this time my voice is more raspy, my emotions showing more than I'd wish, "I didn't let you explain, Levi. I'm so sorry I didn't let you explain." 

    When I finally look at him and I mean really look at him, he looks awful. His eyes look tired and if the dark circles under them tell me anything it's that he hasn't slept. His hair isn't combed to his standards and his nose is red from what I can only guess is the battery of countless tissues. He looks thin, his cheeks a little sharper than usual. He looks unwell and I'm the reason. Because I got in my car and decided to drive after I myself knew how drunk I was, but I did it anyway out of  _anger._ I was angry so I put not only my life at risk, but anyone else who may have been driving on the same road as I. That is something that I will never forgive myself for. The way Levi looks right now is something I will never forgive myself for. The havoc I must have caused amongst our friends is something I will never forgive myself for. He hides away from my wandering eyes by resting his head on my shoulder. 

    "Stop blaming yourself, you just woke up." 

    Levi's voice may be the only thing that can pull me out of my own mind after I've gone in so deep. I look at him and realize our position for the first time. He's tucked so closely to me into my lap I'm wondering if he can read my thoughts, but I know he doesn't have to because he can read my face too well. The thing is though, he's not even looking at me, his head is resting on my shoulder and his arms are around my sides. 

    "How do you know what I'm thinking without even looking at me?" I say more to myself than him

    He answers anyway quietly into my neck, "You think really loudly." 

    I chuckle quietly, but it quickly turns into a laugh and I feel him smile into my neck. I have questions and he knows it, but neither of us seem to want to touch that subject as much as we need to. The only thing I really want to do right about now is bring him home and get him some sleep. I don't imagine he's slept much since I've been asleep, with the way his eyes look I don't really need to imagine much. I snake my arms around his waist and pull him closer to me, he doesn't argue, instead he just complies and snuggles into my neck. He smells the same, like cologne and soap and just  _Levi._ I almost lost him. I let my anger rein me and I almost lost the best thing that's ever happened to me. That is a terrifying thought, scarier than any of my darkest nightmares. A world without Levi is a place I don't want to be and that's scary. I don't know what happened, but ever since that night on that bridge my life hasn't been the same.  _It's been better._ Now being without Levi is scarier than being without air. The more I think about this, the more I realize I've moved on from just liking him now. Now this is something more, something more than I don't want to babble out at Levi until I think he's ready. It has to be special. Not just another addition to my verbal diarrhea that is spat out with all my other words. No, this is real, important, and needs to be said at the perfect time and place. Not in the hospital where I just woke up from a coma I put myself into. Fuck, I've made a mess.

    I groan softly into Levi's neck when that familiar discomfort begins to settle in, "Fuck, I need a cigarette," I look at his back and notice my name splayed across the back of his sweatshirt, _my sweatshirt,_  he's wearing my high school football sweatshirt with my last name on the back on it, "you're wearing my sweatshirt?" I smile

    He whines as if he didn't want to get caught wearing it, "It's soft, and it smells like you, I like it. Shut up," he mumbles into my neck and it's the cutest thing I've ever heard come out of his mouth.

    "You're adorable-" 

    "EREN!!" a high pitch screech is followed by the sound of a chip bag falling to the floor. 

    I'm not even able to turn my head before the monsoon that is Mikasa attacks Levi and I. She jumps onto the bed and crushes the both of us in a hug. 

    "Oh my gosh, Eren, you're awake, oh my gosh, Eren I missed you so much. Oh God, I'm so glad you're awake. I'm so so happy you're awake. Oh my God," she begins talking a millions miles a minute which is so unlike her, but at the same time it is her. I take an arm away from Levi to pull her closer me and Levi backs away a little, but when he tries to climb off my lap I keep him in place and I pretend not to notice the shy little smiles that graces his face. 

    Miksasa pulls away abruptly to look at me with wide eyes, "I have to tell Armin! And Jean! And ahh! I have to go call everyone!! I gotta-I'll be right back-dont, uh, don't go back to sleep okie? I'm just gonna go call everyone, you're not tired right?"

    I start to laugh, "No, Mika I'm not tired. I'll be right here when you come back." 

    She nods and hops off the bed to run out into the hallway where her retreating voice is yelling into her phone. I turn back to Levi who's been staring at me as I watched her leave. He looks so tired, I bring my hand up to his face where I brush my thumb across his cheek gently in slow circles. 

    "You look so tired baby," I mumble looking at his dark circles.

    His eyes cast down, "I haven't been sleeping much, I missed you so much. I was- I was so worried. I thought the last words we were gonna say were gonna be in anger. That made it really hard for me to sleep," he looks back into my eyes, "my nightmares have been really bad too." 

    "I won't let this happen again. I won't leave you again. Not intentionally. Not ever. I'm here now and I'm going to stay here. When I can go home we're gonna go home and sleep, okay?" he nods his head so I continue, "I'm going to be there to hold you from now on." 

    After a few minutes we fall into our comfortable silence that we cherish, 'cause lord knows the herd must be on their way already and it's gonna get loud in here. Mikasa runs back into my room and when she sees me she smiles as if she was afraid I wouldn't be here when she came back. She walks over and hugs me tightly. 

    "I missed you big bro," she mumbles into my neck then flips a piece of my hair with her fingers, "You need a haircut," I only laugh in response, because it's true. 

 

    Levi is sat in the chair next to my bed and Mikasa has pulled a chair to the other side of the bed and we're having a quiet conversation when the first of the herd comes running into my room in a blur of blond hair and what- are those balloons? Said blond hair hits me like a truck when he hugs me babbling what I think is a cross between English, French and is that German? Armin has clearly had enough school for the year. It takes me about a minute for me to get him to slow down, then another two to get him to speak English only. Laughing I tell him I missed him too as The Titans rush into my room like a hurricane. Greyson, I don't know where he came from, but he's tackled Armin and I and I can't tell which arm is mine and which is his or Armin's. It doesn't help when Jax jumps into the pile. Don't these people know I just woke up from a coma? Ollie stands next to Mikasa's chair waiting like the patient person he is for his hug. Jean just stands at the foot of my bed staring at me with one hand over his mouth like he's afraid I'm going to disappear. I ignore Greyson's blubbering and Jax's shouting as I look at Jean. He looks about as great as Levi, his eyes are red and puffy and he has scruff on his face from not shaving for a while. His hair isn't brushed and he's wearing- is that my beanie? He stole my beanie, the bastard. He looks like hipster garbage, more so than usual though, he's wearing a flannel, but he also has one around his waist. Oh my God, he needs my help. 

    "What the fuck are you wearing?" I have to shout to be heard over Jax's story time. 

    Jean cracks a smile, "I missed you too, Eren." 

    I smile at that and motion for him to come here, he complies and I try to disconnect Greyson from my body where he's become a leech chanting "I missed you" like a never ending mantra as he has his arms around my waist in that death grip of his. I turn to Mikasa with pleading eyes and she smiles and stands up to pull an unwilling Greyson off me. Jean sits on my bed next to me, Jax has wandered off because I stopped listening to his story about how he "totally can do a kick flip on a long board." I smile at Jean and he looks at me for a minute before collapsing into me with a desperate hug. 

    "I thought I'd never see your stupid face again," he mumbles into my shoulder where he rests his head, breathing in Jean is like breathing in a warm spring day, he smells like lilacs from his laundry detergent that I liked so much I started using it myself. 

    I smile as I tug my beanie off his head, "That was silly of you to think, I'm too stubborn to die you should know that Horsie," he only sighs at my nickname until he notices I took my beanie back

    "Hey! Give it back," he sits up to try and take it back

    "Jax!" Jax looks up at me so I throw the beanie at him, "Don't let him have it, it's my favorite one!" once he catches it he runs out the hospital room door. 

    Jean looks at me with a small frown, "Already Jaeger?" I only smile in response and he jumps up to run after Jax. 

     I turn to Ollie who's been patiently waiting, "Commere you," I smile and he blushes and runs up to me squeezing me in a tight hug. 

    "I'm really happy you're back, Eren. I've missed you," he says softly, but thoughtfully. 

    A loud screech cuts through the air before an ear piercing voice shouts, "EREN JAEGER!" I turn to find Hanji standing right inside the door with her hands on her hips.

    I smile, "Hi Hanji." 

    She walks forward while pointing a finger at me purposely, "Eren Jaeger if you ever drive drunk again I will have Mike put you in a jail cell with your dick handcuffed to the bars," she starts and I freeze.

    "I can't really do that Eren," Mike pops out from behind Hanji with a soft smile

    "DON'T YOU DARE EVER DO THAT EVER AGAIN, UNDERSTOOD?" she yells at me

    "Yes ma'am." 

    She makes a sound a lot like a cross between a bald eagle and a dying cat before jumping on me and hugging me roughly pulling on me hair and knocking me unto my back.

    "Oi Shitty Glasses he's mine, get off before you hurt him!" before I know it the weight that was Hanji disappears and a loud thump is heard, I look down to see Hanji on the floor next to Levi where he's stood next to my bed. He bends down to kiss me and whistles and cat calls envelope the room. It's a sweet kiss, just his soft lips against mine, innocent and cute. He pulls away and I bite back the little whine that threatened to come up my throat. 

    "Eren are you cheating on me?" I roll my eyes before I even look at him. 

    "Reiner, you constantly hitting on me at the coffee shop does not constitute as a relationship," I shake my head with a laugh. I look to Levi and he's glaring at Reiner, I pull on his sleeve to pull his attention away from Reiner to smile at him. 

    "Short stack can I hug your boyfriend or are you going to pop my head with your blazer glare?" Reiner ask Levi 

    Levi rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, "Make it quick Kendoll." 

    "THAT ONES MY FAVORITE!" Ymir shouts from the door of the room

     Reiner tentatively walks past Levi like he's afraid he's going to attack him and it's the funniest thing because Reiner is like 6'3" with arms like tree trunks and he's about the size of a small truck and he's afraid of my five foot three boyfriend, oh my God I'm trying not to laugh right now. He hugs me softly and for that I'm grateful because otherwise he might squeeze the life out of me. He backs away and Ymir walks up with a cup in her hand. 

    "Chamomile mint with three sugars for a Jaeger Shithead?" she cracks a smile and I pull her into a hug.

    "Thanks Ymir," I smile 

    She backs away, "Don't hug me too long, you'll make me go soft." 

    I only scoff, because Ymir? Soft? I'm pretty sure she could take Reiner in a fight. Jean walks back into the room with his arm around Marco and my beanie on his head. Marco's eyes light up when he sees me and he ditches Jean to run up to me and attack me with freckled arms.

    "Oi Jaeger gimme my boyfriend back," Jean jokes

    "What'd I tell you, the Jaeger booty gets all the men!" Connie walks into the room with a huge stuffed-is that a camera?! 

    I focus back to Marco, "Eren I'm so glad you're awake," he smiles and holds my face in his hands, "you mean so much to so many people, and don't ever do anything like this again, okay?" 

    I try not to cry, I really do, but with Marco's words and the way my hospital room is filled to the brim with all my friends I really am unable to stop the happy tears from forming. I hug Marco tightly to hide my tears, but he pulls away to wipe them away. 

    "We all love you Eren, welcome back," he smiles like the goddamn angel he is and I can't help the happy tears that trail down my face. 

    He backs away and Levi sits next to me with a tissue handing it to me with a small smile. 

    "Who made Eren cry!! I'll beat them up!!" Petra walks into the room with her strawberry blonde hair in two braids with little yellow bows at the end to match her yellow sun dress. She hurries to my side pushing Levi away to hug me with her tiny little arms. She kisses my cheek and wipes my face with a tissue. I only smile at her.

    "They're happy tears Petra." 

    Hanji walks up behind her picking her up by her waist and carrying her away so Levi can sit next to me again. I beam at him and kiss his cheek quickly before looking to Connie again. 

    "Connie is that a stuffed camera?" I ask him

    He steps forward holding it in one hand while he scratches his neck with his other. He holds it out to me awkwardly before speaking. 

    "Yeah, I mean, I always see you on campus with your camera around your neck, so you might as well sleep with one, 'cause I don't imagine you camera is very soft," he doesn't look t me in the eyes but I notice the soft tinge of pink on his cheeks, I smile and hold it in my arms. 

    "Thanks Connie." 

    "Don't mention it." 

    I look around the room and it's filled with all of my friends that I can finally say they love me just as much as I love them, although maybe they've always loved me this much and I'm just stupid. It's probably that. They all surround me in some way, Mikasa is sharing her chair with Armin and Ollie, Hanji has stolen Levi's chair and Petra has forced her way onto Hanji's lap, Mike is stood behind her chair. Jean and Marco are leaning against the wall to the side of my bed, Marco is tucked under on of Jean's arms with his own arms around Jean's waist. Ymir is leaning against Reiner with her arms crossed, Reiner has his ams crossed too as if they're always in an eternal contest of who has the bigger balls. Jax, Greyson, and Connie are sitting on the counter that holds all the room's supplies, probably a place they shouldn't be but Jax sits like he owns the place. It feels almost like home in this hospital room with all my friends here, although someone's missing...

    Sneakers squeak against the hospital floor as a guy with short black hair gelled upwards and crystal clear blue eyes stops short just inside my hospital room door, "Did I miss the party?" he looks briefly worried before his eyes find mine and a soft smile splays across his features. 

    I laugh at his disheveled appearance, he looks like he just threw on the first clothes he saw, he has blue basket ball shorts on with a red t shirt on and green nikes, his keys lanyard hangs out of the left pocket of his shorts and he has his phone in one hand and is that a box of chocolates in his other hand? Of course his hair is gelled to perfection he'll never be caught dead without his hair looking proper to his standards. 

    "No Henley," I laugh, "you didn't miss much." 

    "Oh well that's good, 'cause my mom ordered twelve fucking boxes filled with assorted chocolates and it seriously isn't going to eat itself," he shakes his head. 

    "Henley, have I mentioned how much I love your mom?" I ask and everyone laughs.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT WAS SO FUN TO WRITE OH MY GOSH
> 
> CAN WE JUST TAKE A MINUTE TO APPRECIATE REINER BEING AFRAID OF LEVI
> 
> Also Henley!! I don't know if you guys remember, but he's Jax's boyfriend! I love him, he's going to be in the summer chapters because BEACH DAYSSSSSSSSSS 
> 
> bbys please don't hate me I am SO sorry, I'm back now
> 
> I'M BACK  
> I'M BACK  
> I'M BACK
> 
> stay with me, we're gonna have fun in the sun


	9. Long Time Coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life decided to drop me down a few mountains since I started this fic and just recently I noticed I had the last chapter finished with the exception of a conclusion. In other words here is a chapter that has sat here for god knows how long as a draft and I am a terrible terrible updater. Please don't be mad, thank you all for the love you guys gave me on my first fic, you guys showed me that my writing is actually something people will love and showed me and taken me one step closer to my dream. Now looking at this fic I can see how much my writing has improved and I kinda cannot believe the amount of change. If you guys wanna see for yourselves just read There's No Reasoning With Instinct its my second fic that may have gotten a little out of hand. Thank you guys so so much!! Please hopefully enjoy my year old chapter that may or may not be shit!

 

 

    Anxiety. I am made of anxiety and coffee. Finals are in  _two weeks_ and I'm still trying to catch up on all the work I've missed while I was having a nice nap in a coma. Right now, I'd take a fucking coma over a twenty page report on how they financed the Cathedral of Notre Dame. I'm not alone in my stress induced fog, my dorm room seems to be the favorite among our friends, so naturally it's a zoo here. Levi and I have spread all our shit out on my bed, I have at least five binders opened in front of me, three textbooks, and so much paper I'm surprised I haven't gotten a paper cut yet. Levi next to me has lost all fucks to give, his hair is sticking up in several places, he has a highlighter in between his teeth, a pen in his hand, and he's glaring at his chemistry book like he's hoping it'll combust into flames. I place a gentle hand on his upper back rubbing slow circles as his head whips to me startling me with that fiery glare, but his eyes soften the moment they meet mine. Soft storms clouds seem to pass through his eyes as the highlighter falls from his mouth to the bed. My eyes seek his in a silent conversation gaining a gentle nod of his head before he drops his eyes back to the books with a sigh. Next to my bed on the floor Jean and Marco are frantically speaking in Italian their words blending so smoothly they almost don't even need to study in my eyes. A shout brings my attention to the middle of the room where Petra is trying to calm Greyson as he swears in French before throwing a history book across the room. The sudden noise of the book hitting the wall cracks Armin out of whatever trance he was in.  

    On the other side of the room Armin and Connie are sat in Armin's bed, Connie has been reduced to the end of the bed because all of Armin's books have taken up almost the entire bed with everything all laid out. Connie doesn't even notice the mayhem he's so consumed in typing on his essay on his laptop, his fingers a blur as they speed over the keys. Petra thought it better to leave Greyson's book where it fell I guess because now she's gotten his French swears reduced to frustrated grumbles. In the corner of the room on the other side of Armin's bed Reiner and Ymir are studying unusually quietly. I'm so accustomed to their usual loud banter I don't think I've ever actually seen them silent. Reiner has reading glasses perched on his nose with a book in his left hand and a laptop situated in his lap where he's using his right hand to type. Ymir is sprawled on her stomach with her right hand using the mouse on her laptop in front of her, while her left hand scribbles in a notebook. 

    Coffee cups surround everyone in the room, and I think we've made five pots of coffee today. I've had six cups of coffee today,  _I don't even like coffee._ Something about finals makes you lose a tiny part of your sanity. Slowly but surely, you're going insane. Last night Connie was laying outside his dorm door, he was so exhausted he couldn't even unlock his door. Armin fell asleep in the library two nights ago, they locked the doors and everything. He didn't even wake up until a librarian found him the next morning. Don't get me started on where we found Reiner.. Levi fell asleep while we were eating mac n cheese in my bed. He just passed out and fell into my lap. Ymir has been shouting "I fuck girls" at anyone who tries to talk to her before she's had a cup of coffee. Hanji has been eerily silent for a week and it's  _terrifying_. The woman is in some sort of trance with finals around the corner, like right now, she's sitting on the floor at the foot of my bed and she hasn't said a word since we started studying. Her glasses are pushed to the top of her head and she's staring blankly at a European Lit textbook. Finals have the campus in two modes, either completely dead, or in a chaos of students running in every direction. No order at all. Don't even try to get coffee at a coffee shop, students have them so full many have  _run out_ _of coffee._ A coffee shop that doesn't have coffee. That's what finals do, they destroy lives. 

    Everyone needs a break, but no one is going to get one until finals are over. That's when college will have a break for summer and everyone will go out drinking to forget these last three weeks of their lives. I mean, that's what I'm going to do anyways.

    We all jump when a cell phone begins to ring suddenly, everyone stares at each other for a moment before we all start to check who's phone it was. Levi holds up my cell phone to show me it's the one ringing and hands it to me. I groan at the name. 

    "Hi Mikasa," I say rubbing my face

     _"Hi Eren how are you?"_ she says unusually excitedly 

    "I'm drowning in studying for finals, you?" as I say this sighs ring through the room, I know, I said the word. 

     _"I'm sorry, that sucks, well I'm on break now! So I'm heading home tonight. I'll get the house prepared for a party after finals hmm?"_

    Mikasa and I are really the only ones that live there, my dad pays for it, but that's all he does. We don't even know where he is. 

    "That sounds amazing," I smile

     _"Then it's settled, beach party at our house after finals. I love you Eren."_

"I love you too Mikasa, see you soon," I smile at my phone after I hang up. Levi looks at me with a raised eyebrow and I lean in to him to whisper that I'll tell him later. I think it's better to get everyone together before telling everyone about the party. 

 

 

    After several hours of studying we've started to give up, Connie is laid across the end of Armin's bed with a book over his face snoring, Jean is passed out in Marco's lap mumbling study related words while Marco runs his hands through his hair, and Reiner and Ymir are also asleep. Reiner is laid on his stomach with his arms folded and his sweatshirt on his arms as a pillow, while Ymir has her face on her notebook and pen still in hand still in the same position she's been in since we started studying over four hours ago. Petra, Greyson, and Hanji are cuddling on the floor at the foot of my bed and across the room Armin is sleeping with a book held in his arms like a stuffed animal. Levi and I put away our books a half an hour ago and thought it better to cuddle. So I'm sat against my pillows in a half sitting half laying position with Levi laying on my chest. His arms are wrapped around my sides and every now and then he nuzzles into my chest and his arms hold me tighter. There's no other place I want to be and as of right now I'm not going anywhere for the rest of my life. I will stay by Levi's side until the day I marry him. For now, as I look down at him all I'm thinking about is getting to see him smile later at the party. 

 

 

 

 

     TADAAAAAA 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate myself but I love you guys I hope you enjoyed my shitty year old chapter that may or may not have made me cry shhhh its fine! I love you all and thank you for riding this ship with me, it's been a long time coming and here I am only having written the fucking last couple sentences of this chapter. Bye guys! HAPPY READING!
> 
> ~C <3


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